Some people choose to be vegetarians because they believe it improves their health and has a positive effect on the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, there are numerous individuals who believe that being vegetarians would be good for their health and
also
beneficial for the global environment. I strongly disagree with this
statement, not only because of the importance of eating meat for our body,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
because of the economic impact on the society.
The main reason I do not support the idea of being vegetarian is because of the importance of animal protein
for humans. It is well known that the human body requires animal protein
to survive, and if we stop eating this
kind
of food, there would be serious consequences for our body fuction
. Correct your spelling
function
For instance
, if a person stops consuming animal protein
, the immunologic
system will be affected, and a series of diseases Replace the word
immunological
would
be present more frequently.
Wrong verb form
will
Furthermore
, another reason why I do not agree with vegetarism
is because of the economic aspect of Correct your spelling
vegetarian
vegetarianism
this
idea. There are serious studies about the impact of the animal meat industry
for
the economyChange preposition
on
,
and all the benefits associated with Remove the comma
apply
this
kind
of market. A great number of direct and indirect employees who deppend
Correct your spelling
depend
of
Change preposition
on
this
kind
of industry
to survive. For example
, one of the biggest emplyers
in Brazil is Correct your spelling
employers
an
animal Correct article usage
the
protein
industry
, responsable
for more than 20,000 direct jobs around the country.
In conclusion, I totally disagree with the vegetarism. Correct your spelling
responsible
This
kind
of practice can cause numerous problems for our health, because of the nagative
impact on our Correct your spelling
negative
immunologic
system, and it is Replace the word
immunological
also
very dangerous for the economy and the entire industry
related to this
kind
of market.Submitted by lucasb7z on
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task response
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coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally well-organized, but ensure that each paragraph supports the main argument and flows cohesively.
lexical resource
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but be mindful of using more precise and varied vocabulary to enhance your lexical resource.
grammatical range
While your essay exhibits complex and simple sentence structures, aim for greater accuracy in sentence construction and be cautious of errors in grammar and punctuation.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite