IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries , owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people Why might be this case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

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In our modern society, in some parts of the world , it is crucial for individuals to dwell in their own
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
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instead
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 of renting an apartment.
This
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 kind of approach
mainly
Add a missing verb
is mainly
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 related
with
Change preposition
to
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 having an
estate
Use synonyms
 for the future . In my opinion,
this
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 phenomenon
have
Change the verb form
has
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 both cons and pros.
Firstly
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 , when
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 do not provide
community
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the community
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 with work , individuals cannot foresee their future economic situations and
more
Add a missing verb
are more
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 concerned about their lives .
For instance
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 , employees living in rent
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 must pay a significant proportion of their salary each month. In the situation of economic crisis , an increase in costs of
diary
Correct your spelling
dairy
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 products directly affects employees’ lives .
Additionally
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 , evidence in someone’s building brings a sense of anxiety
due to
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 uncertainty
of
Change preposition
about
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 the renter’s behaviours . In economically tough periods , homeowners tend to increase their monthly rents.
However
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,
this
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 issue circumvents if you own your settlement ( car , apartment) .
Thus
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 , it brings an eagerness for
crowd
Add an article
the crowd
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 to own an
estate
Use synonyms
 . From the other perspective ,
trend
Add an article
the trend
a trend
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 to own a settlement leads to a number of difficulties . In countries
which
Correct word choice
where
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 rent costs a lot, there is
an
Change the article
a
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 growing demand for an
estate
Use synonyms
 , which leads to an increase in prices .
Aspiration
Correct article usage
The aspiration
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 of having an
estate
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
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sometimes leads individuals to apply to banks for
a
Remove the article
apply
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credit . In cities where the taxes
cost
Verb problem
are
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 expensive , living with credit can be disgusting.
For
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this
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 reason ,
Add an article
the
a
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community must consider all aspects ( taxes , costs, ) . In conclusion ,
although
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 it can be understood to society’s financial concerns about the future , it could not be beneficial for public welfare
due to
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 the possibility of adverse effects on gross domestic product .In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 it can be examined as both negative and positive

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task with an opinion that is maintained throughout. Consider providing more diverse, detailed examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and incorporating more transitional phrases to improve the flow of ideas.
language
Be mindful of using the correct form of words (e.g., 'government does not provide' instead of 'government do not provide') and articles where necessary.
coherence cohesion
You've structured your essay well with a clear introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You effectively addressed both sides of the argument, considering the reasons why owning a home is important and the drawbacks of this trend.
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