IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Many people believe that amusements parks are causing serious environmental problems what are theses problems how can they be solves?

#people #amusements #parks #theses
Increasing the public areas is the
purposes
Fix the agreement mistake
purpose
show examples
 of balancing society nowadays.
However
, many people believe that
amusements
Change the noun form
amusement
show examples
parks
 are causing serious environmental problems.
This
 essay will discuss the reasons for these problems and some
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 to address them. Entertainment
parks
 can generate huge
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
show examples
.
For instance
, fast foods are very convenient because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 flexibility and
easy
Correct your spelling
ease
show examples
to bring
Change preposition
of bringing
show examples
 and they are
also
 delicious.
Accordingly
, people tend to bring them when going out, especially to an amusement park.
Consequently
, the amount of waste
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 plastic bags or containers is
growth
Replace the word
growing
show examples
 quickly.
In addition
, to attract
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
 to experience services in the
parks
, the owners are usually expecting to construct their projects
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 attractive locations
such
 as high mountains and islands.
These action
Change the determiner
This action
These actions
show examples
 lead to damage
numerous
Change preposition
to numerous
show examples
 trees and destroy the habitat of many wild animals.
Hence
, the
eco-system
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
show examples
losses
Replace the word
loses
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 balance. To resolve
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 issues, there are some fundamental methods to follow. The first solution is establishing the waste basket system, which can divide the kind of
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
show examples
.
Accordingly
, we can recycle and suitable
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 to delve
with
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
show examples
. The second solution is contributing to eco-
parks
. These
parks
are relied
Wrong verb form
rely
show examples
 on the environment basically, and always try to
minimum
Replace the word
minimise
show examples
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
 to
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
To conclude
,
amusements
Change the noun form
amusement
show examples
parks
are generated
Wrong verb form
generate
show examples
 some adverse effects on
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
such
 as increasing the amount of
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
show examples
 and
destroy
Wrong verb form
destroying
show examples
wildlife
Correct article usage
the wildlife
show examples
 system.
Therefore
, we should build systems to divide the kind of
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
show examples
 and
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 eco-park.
Submitted by huong.bx on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The content is generally relevant to the task. It addresses the reasons for environmental problems caused by amusement parks and suggests two solutions to resolve the issues.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, some ideas in the body paragraphs are not logically connected, leading to a lack of coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
There is a good range of vocabulary used, but some words are not used accurately or effectively in the context.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a reasonable control of grammatical structures and features a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, there are some errors in word choice and verb tense consistency that affect clarity and precision.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: