IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Advanced technology has brought many beneficial changes to the world. However, some old people today struggle with the use of technologies such as mobile phones and the Internet. How can the elderly benefit from using advanced technologies? How can the elderly be encouraged to use consumer electronics more often?

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It is commonly believed that older generations today find difficulty using the advanced
technology
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that is
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 bringing beneficial changes to the world.
This
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 essay will discuss how modern
technology
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 can benefit old
people
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 and the measures taken to encourage them to consume more electronic devices. To commence with, advanced technologies can bring tremendous convenience for the elderly if used correctly.
This
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 is because digital gadgets like smartphones and laptops provide a plethora of functions,
such
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 as watching TV, reading newspapers or online shopping.
This
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 has facilitated old
people
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’s lives as they can carry out their daily routine and seek entertainment or work without moving around, which makes them exhausted.
Besides
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, through social media, elderly
people
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 can stay in touch with their family members or acquaintances living afar, so they will be less likely to feel lonely and have someone to call in an emergency.
For example
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, a great number of old
people
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 using
technology
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 have reported feeling happy and loved even when separated from their family, thanks to the use of communication apps like Messenger or Snapchat. The frequency of using electronics in the old community can be increased by various approaches.
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, the optimal way is not to scare them and patiently help them gradually get used to it, starting with the basics.
For example
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, younger members of the family could teach them how to make a call or how to find a piece of information on the Internet. Once they have grown more confident in using the devices, they should be guided to operate functions with higher complexity levels,
such
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 as shopping online or chatting with friends on the internet. In conclusion,
technology
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 has a beneficial effect on the old as it reduces unnecessary movements, encourages one-place routines and enables them to contact their relatives. To increase the consumption of electronic devices by old
people
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, young
people
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 should be involved and help them become familiar with it.

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task achievement
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task, addressing both how the elderly can benefit from advanced technologies and how they can be encouraged to use them more often. However, providing more specific examples and evidence would further strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use of topic sentences helps in maintaining a logical flow. However, some paragraphs could be developed further with more detailed explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider adding transition words and phrases to smoothly link ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the purpose of the essay and effectively sets up the discussion points.
logical structure
The essay is well-structured, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic, contributing to a clear overall argument.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the essay's stance.
supported main points
Examples provided, such as using social media to stay in touch with family, help illustrate the points made.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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