IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

International tourism has brought enormous benefits to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the environment. Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages?

#tourism #places #time #concern #impact #inhabitants #environment
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With the thriving development of transportation, travelling around the
world
 has become easy and tourism has turned out to be one of the biggest
business
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businesses
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 in the globe.
While
 some people worry about the negative effects
to
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on
show examples
 local residents and their surroundings, I consider that international travelling leads to more positive indications than drawbacks. There is no denying that massive interactions of people from everywhere around the
world
 may result in some damage to the local area. When the combination of different groups of people is becoming more complicated, crimes are more easily to be committed. Even
such
Correct word choice
if such
show examples
 activities may not harm or
threathen
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threaten
 the lives of local residents, they can still violate some rules and
distrub
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disturb
 the order.
For example
, Thailand is the first
Aisan
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Asian
 country to
legailze
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legalise
 the usage of Cannabis for entertainment, which
attract
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attracts
show examples
 enormous amounts of tourists around the
world
. How
,
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apply
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 the local
govenment
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government
 has given concerns about
such
phonomenon
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phenomenon
due to
 a
raising
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rising
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 rate of
commiting
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committing
 crime. Despite the
disadvantage
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disadvantages
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 it may have, global tourism can make a huge success
on
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in
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economical
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economic
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 growth. Embracing international tourism means accepting a wider global market, which can bring more financial supplies and
thus
 accumulate the foreign exchange of the country.
Also
, with a larger profitable market opened, more competitive business corporations will join in and provide better services in order to earn more profits.
This
cause
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causes
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 an improvement
of
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in
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 local business which is able to offer
high quality
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high-quality
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of
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apply
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products, services or performance. Fuji Rock musical festival in Japan,
for instance
, has become one of the most
favorite
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favourite
show examples
 international
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activities
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activity
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activities
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due to
 the support and
participaiton
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participation
 of music lovers around the
world
. In conclusion,
it is clear that
 touring around the globe can
make
Verb problem
have
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 more positive effects
to
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on
show examples
 the local environment, despite some concerns.
Submitted by yitsen210134 on

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introduction conclusion present
Make sure the introduction clearly presents the topic and your position. Provide a clear thesis statement.
supported main points
Develop main points more thoroughly with examples that convincingly support your argument.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within it connect logically.
complete response
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that your response covers both advantages and disadvantages adequately.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and elaborate your ideas to ensure a comprehensive discussion of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to express ideas more precisely and enhance the overall readability.
relevant specific examples
Provide directly relevant examples to support your points, ensuring they are fully explained and linked to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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