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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table gives information about department and online stores in Australia in 2011.

The table gives information about department and online stores in Australia in 2011.
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The diagram displays the data of the Number of businesses, profit, sales revenue, and growth of
department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
 and online
stores
Use synonyms
 in Australia for the year 2011.
overall
Linking Words
, it is readily apparent that online
stores
Use synonyms
 in Australia are a greater success than
department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
. They have a slightly higher value in all 4 categories.
However
Linking Words
, Sales revenue stands out the most in online
stores
Use synonyms
. In terms of the Number of businesses, online
stores
Use synonyms
 have more, at around 368 businesses with a growth
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 6%.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
 have a smaller number of
retails
Replace the word
retailers
show examples
 in Australia, around 67, and have a slightly lower percentage of growth than E-commerce, at 4%. In comparison, chain
stores
Use synonyms
 and E-businesses have sufficient profit at 807AUD and 863AUD respectively.
However
Linking Words
, the sales revenue of online
stores
Use synonyms
 is more significant (13,400AUD) than the
department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
 (12,700AUD)

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words department, stores, aud with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • revenue
  • customer satisfaction
  • product range
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • observable trends
  • shopping habits
  • preferences
  • traditional department stores
  • online shopping
  • significant differences
  • comparison
  • examination
  • analysis
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