IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job trainning are better ways to help them. Do you agree or disagree?

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The view that
education
Use synonyms
 and job training are more beneficial to criminals than imprisonment is one I can only partially agree with, for several reasons which will be discussed in the following essay. On the one hand,
education
Use synonyms
 and skill training can help criminals secure stable employment and earn regular salaries, thereby reducing crime rates driven by poverty. Many illegal activities,
such
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 as theft and robbery, are committed by individuals who lack sufficient income to meet their basic needs. In
such
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 circumstances, gaining essential skills through educational programs could enable them to find stable jobs in the future.
For instance
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, many prisons in European countries are equipped with colleges, allowing inmates to pursue
further
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education
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. Many of these inmates complete their degrees
while
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 incarcerated and
subsequently
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 secure decent jobs upon their release.
On the other hand
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, not all crimes are motivated by financial difficulties. In fact, many criminals are well-educated and
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 good incomes or high social status before being imprisoned.
For example
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, the former founder of a blood testing company was charged with fraud and endangering patients' lives with fake test results. In my perspective,
instead
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 of providing
education
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 and skill training, it would be more effective for
such
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 individuals to learn how to use their influence and resources to contribute positively to society.
For instance
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, they could be required to perform community service, helping the environment and the people they have harmed. To summarize,
while
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 it is true that many prisoners could benefit from
education
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 and skill training, potentially escaping poverty, I believe that not all crimes stem from a lack of
education
Use synonyms
 or skills.
Therefore
Linking Words
, other measures are necessary to prevent recidivism among those who commit crimes for reasons unrelated to financial hardship.

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task response
The introduction is clear, setting the tone for the essay. However, it might benefit from explicitly stating your partial agreement in a clearer manner to improve task response.
task response
While the essay includes relevant examples, stronger emphasis on the examples could further support your points, especially in terms of their relevance to the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs are well-structured and transitions between ideas are smooth, ensuring logical progression. However, consider adding more linking words or phrases to further enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear and logical progression of ideas, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task response
You have effectively balanced the discussion by considering multiple perspectives, which is crucial for task response.
task response
The use of relevant, specific examples supports your arguments well and adds credibility to your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Recidivism
  • Reintegration
  • Vocational training
  • Incarceration
  • Deterrent
  • Correctional facilities
  • Reformative justice
  • Social reentry
  • Ex-offender
  • Criminal justice system
  • Restorative practices
  • Penal system
  • Social marginalization
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