In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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Some societies believe that children must be taught to be hard-working people so they can obtain everything they want.

This

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attitude obviously contributes to their success.

However

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, there are

also

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some disadvantages that one must be aware of. Both views will be discussed in the following paragraph. The diligent people produce quality work, and they receive an excellent reputation in return.

This

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is because they do something carefully.

For instance

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, if a student prepared for an exam three weeks in advance and had complete notes to support his study, he eventually got a very good mark.

In addition

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, by adopting

this

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attitude continuously, the kids will develop a permanent character and become reliable adults in the future.

This

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kind of person benefits others. We can see our experience in a good restaurant as an example; we keep coming back if we receive excellent service from their workers.

On the other hand

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, giving the message to be a hardworking person too frequently can be a pressure. Some of them might be misunderstood about the point if we treat their achievements as competition.

Instead

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of being hardworking for themselves, they do that to receive their parents' approval.

This

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can be exhausting for them mentally. Favouritism in the family is a prime example; if a child continuously does whatever their parents want, they will lose their identity,

while

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the least favourite family members lose their confidence.

This

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can be prevented by giving them options, assisting them to assess what is good or bad, and praising them equally so no one feels left behind. In conclusion, children still need encouragement from their parents.

However

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, the adults must do it with balance so they do not feel stressed and exhausted.

kakakabroadSat Nov 11 2023

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task response

Task Response: The essay addresses the advantages and disadvantages of giving children the message that they can achieve anything through hard work. It provides relevant examples and discusses both perspectives. However, the discussion lacks depth and could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the advantages and disadvantages. Include more detailed examples to support the points made.

coherence cohesion

Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a clear logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas are generally well-organized, but there are some instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be made clearer. Work on using cohesive devices more effectively to create smoother transitions between points.

lexical resource

Lexical Resource: The range of vocabulary used is adequate, and the essay effectively communicates the writer's ideas. However, there is room for improvement in using more varied and precise vocabulary to express ideas with greater nuance and depth. Aim to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary related to the topic and avoid repetition of words and phrases.

grammatical range

Grammatical Range: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and sentence structure. However, there are occasional errors in sentence construction and word usage. Review the use of complex sentence structures, verb forms, and prepositions to enhance the overall grammatical range and accuracy of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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8
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

285 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

achieve
try hard
positive mindset
self-belief
motivates
ambitious goals
resilience
determination
confidence
self-esteem
growth mindset
unrealistic expectations
disappointment
failure
effort
hard work
seek support
individual differences
abilities
capabilities

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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Your opinion

Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. What are the causes of this problem, and what measures can be taken to solve it?

Many people travel to historical places or natural places every year. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of visiting such places.

Some say that advertisements of snacks and toys have a great impact on children and their parents. So, the advertisement to children should be banned. Do you agree or disagree?

Many people today are worried about the large quantities of waste produced by ordinary households. What problems are caused by household waste, and what solutions may be possible in both the short and the long term?