Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (e.g. Uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion.

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Some
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
show examples
believe that
kids
should
be grow
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grow
show examples
up
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
all the family
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
such
as
uncle
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uncles
show examples
,
aunt
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aunts
show examples
and grandparents rather than only
parents
.
This
essay will disagree with
this
opinion since the
children
's development should be
handle
Wrong verb form
handled
show examples
by the
parents
without any distraction from other parties.
This
essay will first explain
abou
Correct your spelling
about
the reason why
parents
hold the crucial work to raise their
children
and continue to deliver the disadvantage if other people
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
show examples
in the development of
children
. As the
children
's first place to learn about the world,
parents
are the most important person that should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
handle their
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
show examples
life
. The
children
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children's
show examples
first
life
stage is the time when they start to understand things and
this
stage needs
parents'
Correct article usage
the parents'
show examples
role to teach their
kids
about
life
so the
kids
can only accept the right information from their
parents
without the distraction from
others family
Fix the agreement mistake
other families
show examples
.
Moreover
, each
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
has their own beliefs on something that might be not suitable
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
kids
even
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
is their closest relatives
such
as grandparents, uncles and aunts.
For instance
, the
parents
teach their child to be independent
while
the grandparents spoil them with everything.
Furthermore
, the
involve
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involvement
show examples
of other people in
kids
'
life
can affect the quality of their
life
. They might
be confuse
Change the verb form
be confused
show examples
with the information or knowledge which they should understand or use
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in daily
life
.
This
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
the awareness for the
parents
to be more
care
Replace the word
careful
show examples
while
raising their
kids
in order to save their
children
's future by taking good care of their personal
life
and mental health that can be affected by how they raise them. In conclusion, it is
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
to be
handle
Wrong verb form
handled
show examples
by their
parents
over their relatives to reach
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
good quality of
life
that
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their future.
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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion present in the essay are noticeable, but the logical structure and supported main points need improvement. The essay lacks coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, but the response is not comprehensive. The ideas are somewhat clear, but the lack of relevant specific examples hinders the clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • extended family
  • support
  • emotional stability
  • diverse experiences
  • perspectives
  • strong bonds
  • sense of belonging
  • multiple caregivers
  • burden
  • balanced parenting
  • find a balance
What to do next:
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