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Band 7.5

People now overuse technology, which induces negative effects, do you agree or disagree?

#people #overuse #technology #effects
It’s argued that
people
 now overuse
technology
, which induces negative effects.
While
 I agree with the idea of excessive
use
 of
technology
, I do believe there are many benefits and conveniences brought by
technology
, as long as it is applied properly.
Firstly
, the appropriate
use
 of
technology
 makes daily life more convenient.
People
 can now do many things on the internet without even needing to go outside. They can finish their work at home using the computer, eliminating the need to commute to companies.
Additionally
, they can shop online, which is time-saving and convenient, offering more choices by simply browsing different shopping websites.
Furthermore
,
technology
 has revolutionized communication, allowing us to stay connected with friends and family across the globe with just a few clicks.
Secondly
, overusing
technology
 leads to negative influences on
people
, but
this
 can be prevented. Some may state that many students are now addicted to computer games, so it’s unwise for young
people
 to
use
 the internet and play computer games.
However
, if
technology
 is used properly, it can help young
people
 be more creative and relieve stress. The fast development of
technology
 should not be blamed. Indeed,
people
 need to learn how to apply
technology
 to benefit themselves.
Moreover
,
technology
 can be a powerful educational tool, providing access to a vast array of resources and learning opportunities. In conclusion, properly applying
technology
 can help
people
 make progress, and it is essential to avoid excessive
use
. Embracing
technology
 with a balanced approach can lead to a more informed and enriched society. It is our responsibility to harness its potential
while
 being mindful of its pitfalls.
Submitted by millstonelee on

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task achievement
Ensure that examples provided are more specific and detailed to strengthen your arguments. For instance, instead of general statements like 'they can shop online,' mention specific applications or experiences to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Consider separating the benefits and disadvantages into more clearly delineated paragraphs. This can help the reader easily follow the discussion on each aspect of technology use.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main points effectively.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view, acknowledging both the potential benefits and the drawbacks of technology use. This demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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