IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important while other people think that a stable job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #job #satisfaction
The issue
whether
Change preposition
of whether
show examples
people
 should prioritize
job
 satisfaction or
job
 stability is a complex problem and deserves to be taken care of.
While
 many
people
 favour a stable
job
, I deeply think that a satisfactory
job
 is more crucial.
Firstly
, I suppose
people
 who have a stable
job
 have a shelf life. They do a similar
work
 day by day and their lifetime passes in the same way.
For example
, an office staff always goes to
work
 at 8 o’clock in the morning and goes back home at 5 o’clock in the afternoon. Their
work
 will have no change so they do not have to get on well with other working conditions or
another type
Fix the agreement mistake
other types
show examples
 of
work
.
In addition
, a sustainable
job
 may bring
people
 a very boring life and make them not progress. These
people
 become passive and lack creativity because of
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
similar tasks every day.
On the contrary
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 satisfactory
job
 gives
people
 motivation to
work
. For being satisfied with the
work
, they try their best and get better results.
People
work
 with their passion in their main major;
therefore
 they will feel that they
work
 for themselves, not for the company only. It is a good chance for them to pursue their expectation and dreams. That person can do what they like is a great way to motivate them.
Moreover
, to have a satisfactory
job
,
people
 have to change their jobs many times and overcome many challenges in finding jobs. After that, they become more mature and stronger. The more the risks they meet, the more the return they receive.
To conclude
, I believe that
people
 should be in favour of
job
 satisfaction rather than a stable
job
.
Submitted by Deddymus on

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Task Achievement
To improve in task achievement, ensure that when you discuss both views, you provide balanced coverage with specific examples for each. This makes your argument more compelling and comprehensive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your ideas are generally clear, but adding specific examples would provide more detailed support for your points. Consider using real-world scenarios or citing studies that support your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your logical structure within paragraphs follows a clear pattern of introducing your point, supporting it with reason or example, and then a brief conclusion. This helps to make your essay more coherent.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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