IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

As technology develops, more shopping and business is done through the internet while communication face to face becomes less frequent. Is this a positive or a negative development?

#technology #business #internet #communication #face #development
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In today's age, almost everything can
happened
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happen
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 with just one single click
although
 it is believed by many that most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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online businesses are happening
due to
 technological advancements
while
 others think verbal talks become lesser
due to
internet
 usage as it is
a
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an
show examples
easy and free source to everyone it
this
 essay both side of the argument will be discussed Followed by opinion to
comments
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comment
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 with, one of the significant advantages of using the
internet
 is that it makes life more easy and comfortable.
this
 is
due to
 the fact that one can see the world with a single push button
moreover
 different
type
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types
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 of
people
 connected through
internet
Add an article
the internet
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such
 as using Facebook Twitter or telegram etc can Send pictures, videos and various article topics relating to
natureby
Correct your spelling
nature by
nature
 touching a search engine button
for instance
according to
 Google survey the chances of making verbal communication going decline as majority of
individuels
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individuals
 having
smart phones
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smartphones
show examples
 and other devices that does not compelled to take a step out of their home
thus
 a decreasing chances of having great and meat among the pupils
on the other hand
through
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though
show examples
, the use of
internet
Add an article
the internet
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,
people
 have a chance
of Living
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to live
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 a good livelihood
this
 is because, in a concentric era, more and more
people
 drive
into
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apply
show examples
by selling their
on
Correct your spelling
own
show examples
 custom products by creating their own official store on
Change the capitalization
Shopify
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shopify
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Shopify
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 which not only make them a good profit but
also
 influence thousands of
people
 towards it
for example
, in the USA, by the name of
skimms
Correct your spelling
skimmers
skins
skims
 which is known by famous actress Kim Kardashian, not only she advertised her on products but
also
 make good output profitability
As a
Result
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result
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 ,it enhanced the ratio of customer day by day
to conclude
internet
 which
consider
Wrong verb form
is considered
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 a massive invention in
the
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apply
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modern day
Add a hyphen
modern-day
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 history
yet
Rephrase
apply
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,
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
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 a lot of risks
like
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apply
show examples
such
 as losing a taste of communication and meet and greet son on I believe both have
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
pros and cons which should be
in balance
Change preposition
balanced
show examples
Submitted by abdulahad08600 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks logical structure and coherence. The introduction and conclusion need improvement. Supporting main points is weak.
task achievement
The response is incomplete and the ideas are not clearly expressed. Relevant specific examples are needed to support the arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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