Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some say that
parents
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should
taught
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teach
be taught
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their
kids
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about how to be
a good community members
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good community members
a good community member
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,
while
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others would argue that college is where they should be taught about it.
This
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essay would argue that
although
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kids
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will learn from their
parents
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,
school
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is where
children
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start to socialize and make friends. On the one hand, little
kids
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spend most of their time with their family, they do not know what is correct and what is wrong,
the
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and the
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only thing that they do is
to
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apply
show examples
watch and imitate their
parents
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. So, what the
parents
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do will directly affect
on
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apply
show examples
the personality and the thoughts of the
kids
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, since the
children
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treat them as
the
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an
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example. Recent research concluded that around 80% of people’s
personality
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personalities
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are similar to their
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parents’
Correct your spelling
parent’s
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personality
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personalities
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.
However
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, I believe that when
children
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grow up will spend more time at
school
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, so what they have
learn
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learned
show examples
when they were little will be forgotten.
On the other hand
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, at
school
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, teachers will teach the pupils about what they can’t do and what is wrong,
avoiding
Verb problem
preventing
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them
carrying
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from carrying
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out those types of activities.
Also
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, at
school
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, people start to
socielize
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socialize
socialise
, and depending on the friends that
one
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they
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makes
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make
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,
this
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will influence
in
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apply
show examples
their future, and if they will be good or bad members of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
For instance
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, most individuals who carry out crimes and illegal activities started to do it
since
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in
show examples
high
school
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. I believe that
school
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have a very important role
on
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in
show examples
people’s behaviour and the activities that they may carry out. In conclusion,
although
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children
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will listen and imitate their
parents
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, they are more likely to be influenced by actions that people carry out at
school
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,
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apply
show examples
since they spend
the
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apply
show examples
most time of the day there, and
that is
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why
school
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is the place where
kids
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should be taught how to be a good society member.
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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more developed and focused. The main points are supported adequately but could be more coherent in their presentation.
task achievement
The response addresses the task overall, providing clear and comprehensive ideas with relevant specific examples. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more focused and the logical structure needs improvement.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a clear and relevant lexical resource, with effective use of vocabulary to express ideas. However, there are some inaccuracies and lack of variety in language use.
grammatical range
The grammar is generally accurate, and there is evidence of a good range of sentence structures. Some errors are present, and more complex structures could be used. Punctuation and sentence clarity could also be improved.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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