Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some say that
parents
should taught
their Change the verb form
teach
be taught
kids
about how to be a good community members
, Correct the article-noun agreement
good community members
a good community member
while
others would argue that college is where they should be taught about it. This
essay would argue that although
kids
will learn from their parents
, school
is where children
start to socialize and make friends.
On the one hand, little kids
spend most of their time with their family, they do not know what is correct and what is wrong, the
only thing that they do is Correct word choice
and the
to
watch and imitate their Fix the infinitive
apply
parents
. So, what the parents
do will directly affect on
the personality and the thoughts of the Change preposition
apply
kids
, since the children
treat them as the
example. Recent research concluded that around 80% of people’s Correct article usage
an
personality
are similar to their Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
parents’
Correct your spelling
parent’s
personality
. Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
However
, I believe that when children
grow up will spend more time at school
, so what they have learn
when they were little will be forgotten.
Change the form of the verb
learned
On the other hand
, at school
, teachers will teach the pupils about what they can’t do and what is wrong, avoiding
them Verb problem
preventing
carrying
out those types of activities. Change preposition
from carrying
Also
, at school
, people start to socielize
, and depending on the friends that Correct your spelling
socialize
socialise
one
Correct pronoun usage
they
makes
, Correct subject-verb agreement
make
this
will influence in
their future, and if they will be good or bad members of Change preposition
apply
the
society. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, most individuals who carry out crimes and illegal activities started to do it since
high Change preposition
in
school
. I believe that school
have a very important role on
people’s behaviour and the activities that they may carry out.
In conclusion, Change preposition
in
although
children
will listen and imitate their parents
, they are more likely to be influenced by actions that people carry out at school
,
since they spend Remove the comma
apply
the
most time of the day there, and Correct article usage
apply
that is
why school
is the place where kids
should be taught how to be a good society member.Submitted by elenazheng1211 on
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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more developed and focused. The main points are supported adequately but could be more coherent in their presentation.
task achievement
The response addresses the task overall, providing clear and comprehensive ideas with relevant specific examples. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more focused and the logical structure needs improvement.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a clear and relevant lexical resource, with effective use of vocabulary to express ideas. However, there are some inaccuracies and lack of variety in language use.
grammatical range
The grammar is generally accurate, and there is evidence of a good range of sentence structures. Some errors are present, and more complex structures could be used. Punctuation and sentence clarity could also be improved.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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