69.Some people say government should give health care the first priorities, some others believe there are more important priorities to spend the tax payers’ money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #health #care #first #priorities #tax #payers’ #money

Some say that

health

care

should be the most important aspect that the

government

should consider,

while

others will argue that there are other areas where money is needed.

This

essay will argue that

although

health

is an area that the

government

should think about, there are other aspects that are equally important. On the one hand, a certain amount of tax money has to go to

health

care

services.

This

is because there are too many illnesses and diseases that are rising, and vaccines, medicine and treatment are very expensive, which may cause death of

people

, since some

individuals

do not have enough money to take the treatments, the

government

should spend their funds to save lives.

For instance

, in the United States, going to medical

care

is very expensive, and

individuals

are unable to pay the price of the treatment or surgery.

However

, I believe that the

government

should spend part of their financial resource, but it is not the most important, since there are other aspects that are

also

important.

On the other hand

, poverty is a problem that the

government

need to solve too.

This

is because there are rich

people

, middle-class

individuals

and poor

people

in all countries, the poor

people

suffer from hunger and sometimes they may not even have water, and

individuals

need these essential resources to be alive.

For instance

, in Spain, there are a lot of poor

people

that live in the streets, and the

government

years ago started to install free water sources for these

people

and those that for whatever reason needed. In my opinion, the

government

should spread their funds so can be used in different areas and solve as many problems as possible. In conclusion,

although

health

care

is a key aspect that the

government

should consider, there are still many issues that the

government

also

need to solve, so all have the same importance.

Submitted by elenazheng1211 on Sat Nov 11 2023

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task response

The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement. Provide a clear opinion and an outline of the main points to be discussed.

task response

The essay lacks clear introduction and conclusion paragraphs. Ensure a clear introduction with a thesis statement and a conclusion that summarizes the main points.

coherence and cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear but can be improved. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follow a logical order of ideas.

coherence and cohesion

Use more cohesive devices to better connect ideas within and between sentences and paragraphs.

lexical resource

The essay shows a good range of vocabulary, but more precise and varied word choices can enhance the lexical resource.

grammatical range

Use more sophisticated sentence structures and a wider variety of grammar to demonstrate a higher grammatical range.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

318 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Include an introduction and conclusion

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