83.The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems? What measures can be used to solve these problems?

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It is argued that when
people
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decide to move from agricultural
areas
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to
cities
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to look for a job, can cause problems in both places. The main
problem
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these causes is overpopulation in
cities
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and fewer individuals are left to work on
farms
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, and the most viable solution is to improve the transport between both
areas
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and the government should reform the
farms
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. The primary issue is that individuals will prefer to go to
cities
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because they can gain more salaries in these
areas
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.
This
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will lead to overpopulation, and not enough jobs for everyone, increasing competition, and more
people
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will suffer from hunger.
Also
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, there will be fewer
people
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taking care of
farms
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and agricultural
areas
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, so less fresh food,
such
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as vegetables and fruits will be produced,
then
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, farmers will opt to use artificial
products
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to increase production.
For instance
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,
products
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in European countries are starting to use ingredients and artificial
products
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so the goods can grow more rapidly and look better. To tackle
this
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problem
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, governments should improve the transport infrastructures between
cities
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and rural
areas
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so that villagers can commute to work daily rather than migrating to towns. Another solution to
this
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problem
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is to reform the
farms
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,
this
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would solve the
problem
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by making the
farms
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more profitable, encouraging more
people
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to take up agriculture as their main source of income. Recent research concluded that some agricultural
areas
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and
farms
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in Asia, have a better working environment than those who work in the
cities
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, increasing the number of fresh food produced. In conclusion, the increasing number of
people
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moving from agricultural places to
cities
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can cause problems like overpopulation and lack of basic
products
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, and
this
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can be addressed by improving the transport between these two
areas
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and making the
farms
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more profitable.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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task response
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coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some logical connections between ideas can be further improved for better coherence.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses a variety of cohesive devices. However, there are instances where more precise and academic vocabulary could be used to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
The grammatical range is adequate, but there are some errors in sentence structure, verb tenses, and word choice. More complex sentence structures and precise word choices would improve the grammatical range.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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