IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #team #sports #school
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Cooperation is a crucial social skill that
children
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 must develop early on. I wholeheartedly support the idea that school
team
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sports
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 are one of the best ways to instil
this
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 quality in
children
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. Participating in
team
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sports
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 nurtures values like teamwork, communication, and empathy, which are essential for healthy social interactions and character development.
First,
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in
team
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sports
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, players must collaborate to achieve common goals, which teaches
children
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 the importance of working together for success.
This
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 foundation of cooperation extends beyond the
sports
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 field into other aspects of life.
For instance
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, you cannot be a champion in soccer if you do not have good teamwork and collaboration, because you cannot hit a score alone.
Second,
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Effective communication is vital in
team
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sports
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 for coordinating actions and making quick decisions.
Children
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 learn to listen, share ideas, and support their teammates, improving their interpersonal skills in other group settings. Take
a
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apply
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volleyball as an example, where each player has a role and they must communicate clearly to score.
Team
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sports
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 expose
children
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 to both victory and defeat as a group, fostering empathy, camaraderie, and mutual respect. These values help
children
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 manage conflicts empathetically and maintain positive relationships. Most importantly, from experiencing winning or losing, the kid might understand what the process is. So they did not take everything for granted. In conclusion, school
team
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sports
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 offer an excellent platform for teaching
children
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 cooperation, nurturing teamwork, communication, and empathy. These skills are vital for their social development and will benefit them in various aspects of life. Embracing
team
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sports
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 as an educational tool can foster cooperative and socially responsible individuals, contributing to a harmonious society.
Submitted by saynah_ on

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task response
Your essay demonstrates a good grasp of the topic and presents a clear, well-structured argument. However, be cautious of using hypothetical examples as they weaken the overall impact of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay maintains a clear and logical organization, with good use of cohesive devices. Well done on effectively connecting ideas within and between sentences.
lexical resource
The vocabulary used in the essay is generally appropriate and varied, effectively expressing ideas. Consider incorporating a wider range of vocabulary to add depth to your arguments.
grammatical range
You exhibit a strong command of grammar and a wide range of sentence structures, showcasing your language flexibility. However, watch out for consistent tense usage and subject-verb agreement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • values
  • applied
  • aspects
  • belonging
  • camaraderie
  • participating
  • essential
  • social skills
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