Research into new types of medicine and treatments are essential for improving health and deal with disease. Who do you think should fund these researches: private companies, individuals or governments?

Research in different diseases and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new treatments is viable for enhancing the level of
medicine
in every country.
Nevertheless
, that demands an enormous
amont
Correct your spelling
amount
of funding which
is
Change the verb form
basicly relies
show examples
basicly
Correct your spelling
basically
relies on private
medicine
companies and in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
cases, on private
indvidules
Correct your spelling
individuals
and rarely, on
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
. In my front of
view
Add an article
the view
show examples
, the
majorety
Correct your spelling
majority
of
these researches
Fix the agreement mistake
this research
show examples
should be funded by the
goverments
Correct your spelling
government
governments
or independent bodies. I will
ealborate
Correct your spelling
elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
show examples
prospective
Correct your spelling
perspective
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
followin
Correct your spelling
following
paragraph. In the contemporary
era
Add a comma
era,
show examples
more and more
health givers
Correct your spelling
healthgivers
are interested in medical investigation. For
examle
Correct your spelling
example
, in the field of pharmacy, there is a lot of dynamics regarding the treatment of particular
diseses
Correct your spelling
diseases
and certainly,
due to
expexted
Correct your spelling
expected
financial benefit,
medication's
Change noun form
medication
show examples
companies are always happy to fund every new idea in order to be the first to explore the new horizons and bring the new medication to the world,
thing
Add an article
the thing
a thing
show examples
that may cause a bias regarding the structure and the results of these studies. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, when these studies are financed by objective authority,
e.g
Correct your spelling
e.g.
a
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
or a private donor,
such
bias is not expected to be existent.
For instance
, in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opthalmology
Correct your spelling
ophthalmology
, a
mystric
Correct your spelling
mystic
mystery
disease called Retinitis Pegmintosa was
widley
Correct your spelling
widely
investigated by a wealthy person whose
sun
Correct your spelling
son
show examples
suffered from it in order to explore the exact reason and try to find the curing
medicine
. In that case, it is not expected to reveal a bias since all of the sides are
welling
Correct your spelling
willing
show examples
to achieve the same goal.
To conclude
, I think that research on
medicine
should be conducted in the most objective way in order to keep its
trulescency
Correct your spelling
tumescence
and be fair
enoguh
Correct your spelling
enough
so that every
pateint
Correct your spelling
patient
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
the most suitable treatment.
Submitted by leenaasalee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay demonstrates an attempt to address the issue, but the response lacks thoroughness and clarity. More detailed and balanced arguments are needed.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is unclear, and the introduction and conclusion are underdeveloped. The essay lacks a coherent flow of ideas and does not sufficiently link the arguments together.
lexical resource
The range of vocabulary used is limited, leading to imprecise and repetitive language. More sophisticated and varied vocabulary is necessary to demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and sentence structure. Greater accuracy and complexity in grammatical structures are required for a higher score in this criterion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • essential
  • improving health
  • deal with disease
  • fund
  • private companies
  • individuals
  • governments
  • research
  • invest
  • collaboration
  • beneficial
What to do next:
Look at other essays: