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Band 4

The table below shoes statistics about the top five countries for international tourism in 2012 and 2013.

#shoes #statistics #five #countries #tourism
The table gives information about which countries are the five most popular tourist destinations in the world in two years.
Overall
, the total amount of expenditure spent on travelling in each country increased over a year and
this
 amount for the USA was considerably higher.
This
 is
also
 clear that
although
 China lost
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of tourists, the spending did not fall. The population of holidaymakers visiting France and the USA by 2012 was 83 and 66.7
million
 which made these countries experience the highest proportion of tourists and even rose to about 54
million
. Two other destinations, Spain and China which are the second most popular ones, were around 57
million
,
although
this
 number for China fell by 2013. The
last
 5 top country to spend vacation in was Italy with just over 46
million
 numbers of tourists.
The tourism
Correct article usage
Tourism
show examples
 spending in the USA had a significant gap with other countries with around 126 billion which increased to approximately 140 billion.
Furthermore
, the other three nations had been spent on by vacationers with an average of nearly 50 billion in both 2012 and 2013.
Submitted by z.rajabi on

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coherence cohesion
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lexical resource
The essay lacks a range of vocabulary and there are some inaccuracies in word choice. Expand your vocabulary and strive for precision and accuracy in your word selection.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, and there are errors in sentence formation and punctuation. Work on varying your sentence structures and pay attention to accurate punctuation and sentence formation.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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