IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The table below shoes statistics about the top five countries for international tourism in 2012 and 2013.

#shoes #statistics #five #countries #tourism
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The table gives information about which countries are the five most popular tourist destinations in the world in two years.
Overall
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, the total amount of expenditure spent on travelling in each country increased over a year and
this
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 amount for the USA was considerably higher.
This
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 is
also
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 clear that
although
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 China lost
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of tourists, the spending did not fall. The population of holidaymakers visiting France and the USA by 2012 was 83 and 66.7
million
Use synonyms
 which made these countries experience the highest proportion of tourists and even rose to about 54
million
Use synonyms
. Two other destinations, Spain and China which are the second most popular ones, were around 57
million
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
this
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 number for China fell by 2013. The
last
Linking Words
 5 top country to spend vacation in was Italy with just over 46
million
Use synonyms
 numbers of tourists.
The tourism
Correct article usage
Tourism
show examples
 spending in the USA had a significant gap with other countries with around 126 billion which increased to approximately 140 billion.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the other three nations had been spent on by vacationers with an average of nearly 50 billion in both 2012 and 2013.
Submitted by z.rajabi on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are not adequately presented. Try to provide a clear and concise summary of the information in the introduction and a conclusion that restates the main points and provides a final thought or recommendation.
task achievement
The response partially addresses the task, but there are some issues with relevance and clarity. Ensure that you fully address all aspects of the task and provide specific examples to support your points.
lexical resource
The essay lacks a range of vocabulary and there are some inaccuracies in word choice. Expand your vocabulary and strive for precision and accuracy in your word selection.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, and there are errors in sentence formation and punctuation. Work on varying your sentence structures and pay attention to accurate punctuation and sentence formation.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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