IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today many do not know their neighbours in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

#neighbours #cities
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It is no doubt that residents nowadays are recorded to have no information about their relatives.
This
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 problem is attributable to
busy
Correct article usage
a busy
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 life and desire for security but can be addressed by an increase in the cultural events in different areas. The root cause of
this
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 is the ever-growing city life. Since technology
as well as
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 other areas have developed significantly, the cost of living and living standards are on the rise.
This
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 requires dwellers to work more to afford necessities.
As a consequence
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, more citizens become workaholics and spent less time on relationships including family, friends and even their neighbours.
Therefore
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, the lack of interaction among residents can be seen as growing, which can result in severe isolation. Another factor that has been witnessed in many cases is the fear of a shortage of security. It must be acknowledged that criminals now have numerous ways to trick people. One common technique is to disguise as a neighbour or a friend and try to get private information from surrounding people. An investigation into crimes, particularly stealing, took part in Australia in 2007
revealed
Correct word choice
and revealed
show examples
 that 67% of them were committed by the victims' relatives.
Thus
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, citizens feel less private when they have neighbours and,
hence
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, create a splitting border between them and the other.
However
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,
this
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 problem can be tackled by the involvement of the authority. The government can, with the help of local residents, establish more social events.
This
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 can gather dwellers in the same area,
in particular
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, and everyone in the country or even the world, in general, and bring them into contact.
Hence
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 improves friendliness and cooperation
as well as
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 relationships between these people.
To sum up
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, the fact that inhabitants in megacities have little or no information about their neighbours is caused by busy city life
as well as
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 the desire for privacy.
Nonetheless
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,
this
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 can be tackled by the increase in cultural or social events.

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coherence cohesion
The essay shows some structure, but some points are not well developed, and the introduction and conclusion could be improved.
task response
The essay addresses the topic, but the response is not fully developed or clear. The examples are somewhat relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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