IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below the shows the result of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five different Australlian cities

The chart below the shows the result of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five different Australlian cities
#survey #people #coffee #tea #habits #five #australlian #cities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart above compares five different
Australlian
Correct your spelling
Australian
 cities in terms of
Correct article usage
the tendency
show examples
tendency
Correct article usage
the tendency
show examples
 of their citizens
for purchasing
Change preposition
to purchase
show examples
 tea or
coffee
Use synonyms
 .
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of people
bought
Correct pronoun usage
who bought
show examples
 fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks is the smallest,
in contrast
Linking Words
 human went to a cafe for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 month is the
biggest
Correct word choice
most
show examples
, except
one
Change preposition
in one
show examples
 city.
While
Linking Words
 the percentage of consumers that
drunk
Wrong verb form
drank
show examples
 fresh
coffe
Correct your spelling
coffee
 is the highest in Sydney and Melbourne with around 43% and roughly 45% , respectively ,
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 and Adelaide are the lowest with both just under 35% .
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 Hobart accounts for about 37% in
this
Linking Words
 category. Regarding the rate of people that visited the cafe to buy tea or
coffee
Use synonyms
, Sydney,
Melborne
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
 and Hobert are the leaders with just above 60% each.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 and Adelaide are the outsiders with 55% and almost half considerably. In
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of lovers of instant
coffee
Use synonyms
, Hobart and
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 have higher
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 than others, with approximately 53% for
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 and just under 55% for Hobart.
While
Linking Words
 Adelaide
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 slightly more
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
 than Melbourne in
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 category, with exactly 50% and around 45% respectively, Sydney is at the lowest point with almost 45%
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, brisbane with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: