The graph below shows the average monthly use of health club in Miami and Florida by all full-time members in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club.

The graph below shows the average monthly use of health club in Miami and Florida by all full-time members in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club.
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The graph illustrates the average use of health
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs

It seems that club may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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during
one
Correct determiner usage
a

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

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month
Correct your spelling
one-month

The word month doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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period in two different cities Miami and Florida by all full-time
members
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in 2017. The pie charts present the
age
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

ratio of the health
club
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

members
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of both
sex
Change to a plural noun
sexes

The singular countable noun sex follows the quantifier both, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it can be seen clearly that,
according to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

chart
Correct article usage
the chart

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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male are more active as
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb compare. Consider changing it.

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to female
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

by the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply

Oops! It appears that you typed the twice in a row. Consider deleting one of them.

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pie
charts
Fix the agreement mistake
chart

It seems that charts may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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it's indicated that
21
Correct article usage
the 21

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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-45
age
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

group are more actively
participated
Wrong verb form
participating

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb participated. Consider changing it.

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in both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders

The singular countable noun gender follows the quantifier both, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

show examples
.
According to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

graph
Correct article usage
the graph

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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, in the month of June to
September
Add a comma
September,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in the month of June to September. Consider adding a comma.

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more
members
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

were
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb were appears to be unnecessary here.

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actively
participaed
Correct your spelling
participated
participate

If you don’t want participaed to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

in
health
Correct article usage
the health

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs

It seems that club may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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that
Correct pronoun usage
which

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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was more than 800
for
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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male
Fix the agreement mistake
males

It seems that male may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and approximately around 700
for
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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female
Fix the agreement mistake
females

It seems that female may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
Correct article usage
the entirely
show examples
entirely
Change the word
entire

Entirely seems to be the wrong part of speech for this context.

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year of ratio for both sex have 500 or more other months. On the other side, male
members
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

having
Wrong verb form
had

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb having. Consider changing it.

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a 5 % more as
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb compare. Consider changing it.

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to
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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gender
that
Correct pronoun usage
which

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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was around 55%. But, more than
quarter
Correct article usage
a quarter

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of people
who
Verb problem
are

There may be a verb use issue here.

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age
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

more than 65
year
Change to a plural noun
years

The singular noun year follows a number other than one. Consider changing the noun to the plural form.

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.
Correct word choice
old.

There may be an adjective issue here.

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Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
Correct article usage
the others
show examples
others
Correct quantifier usage
other

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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age
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

group was around 20% for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males

It seems that male may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
and 19% for female
members
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

involved in
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs

It seems that club may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
.
Submitted by sanganiankita2023 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words club, members, age with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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