The graph below shows the average monthly use of health club in Miami and Florida by all full-time members in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club.
The graph illustrates the average use of health
club
duringFix the agreement mistake
clubs
one
Correct determiner usage
a
month
period in two different cities Miami and Florida by all full-time Correct your spelling
one-month
members
in 2017. The pie charts present the age
ratio of the health club
members
of both sex
.
Change to a plural noun
sexes
Overall
, it can be seen clearly that, according to
chart
male are more active as Correct article usage
the chart
compare
to female Change the form of the verb
compared
as well as
by the the
pie Remove the redundancy
apply
charts
it's indicated that Fix the agreement mistake
chart
21
-45 Correct article usage
the 21
age
group are more actively participated
in both Wrong verb form
participating
gender
.
Change to a plural noun
genders
According to
graph
, in the month of June to Correct article usage
the graph
September
more Add a comma
September,
members
were
actively Unnecessary verb
apply
participaed
in Correct your spelling
participated
participate
health
Correct article usage
the health
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
that
was more than 800 Correct pronoun usage
which
for
Change preposition
apply
male
and approximately around 700 Fix the agreement mistake
males
for
Change preposition
apply
female
. Fix the agreement mistake
females
However
, Correct article usage
the entirely
entirely
year of ratio for both sex have 500 or more other months.
On the other side, male Change the word
entire
members
having
a 5 % more as Wrong verb form
had
compare
to Change the form of the verb
compared
opposite
gender Correct article usage
the opposite
that
was around 55%. But, more than Correct pronoun usage
which
quarter
of people Correct article usage
a quarter
who
Verb problem
are
age
more than 65 year
Change to a plural noun
years
.
Correct word choice
old.
Moreover
, Correct article usage
the others
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
age
group was around 20% for male
and 19% for female Fix the agreement mistake
males
members
involved in club
.Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
Submitted by sanganiankita2023 on
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words club, members, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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