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Band 4.5

Now the machine is very complex, and a lot of difficult work is automated, do benefits are more than drawbacks.

#machine #work
Moreover
 In a i(nterim place)if the rent is not paid, the landlord will throw you out of the house at any time.
For example
, in our Kazakhstan, in September 2023, the rent for an apartment was increased how many
people
 students families stayed on the street. Eviction is legal because it is their
home
 but
this
 situation can lead to homelessness. Addition I want to say owning a
home
 provides a sense of permanence and belonging. It allows
people
 to put down roots in a community and become more invested in their surroundings. One of the main reasons why owning a
home
 is so important to
people
 is that it provides a sense of security and stability. Renting a place of residence can often be unpredictable, as landlords may raise rent prices or decide to sell the property. Analyzing I believe that all
people
 will live in their homes in the future In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 owning a house provides homeowners with a sense of security, stability, and belonging to a community, and can
also
 be a good investment. All
people
 dream of having their own homes no one wants to live in a rented apartment. owning a
home
 is a goal that many
people
, all around the world, aspire to, and it is a worthy one.
Submitted by marina.parmenova on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph relates directly to the main topic and that the logic of the argument is clear and consistent.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion could be more effectively developed to better frame the essay and summarize key points.
coherence cohesion
Utilize a wider range of cohesive devices such as transitional words and phrases to link ideas more effectively.
task response
The response addresses the prompt but could be more developed and include more specific examples to support points.
task response
While the essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, further development and depth would strengthen the response.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good use of vocabulary, but more varied and precise language could enhance the overall lexical resource.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary to include more precise and varied expressions, particularly in the use of academic and domain-specific language.
grammatical range
Grammar is generally accurate, but there are some errors, particularly in sentence structure and word order, that affect the clarity of the essay.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure and word order to ensure clear and accurate expression of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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