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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Climate Change is a phenomenon that affects countries all over the world. Many people strongly believe that it is the responsability of individuals, rather than corporations and governments, to deal with this problem. To what extent do you agree?

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Climate change has a huge impact on the entire world. Numerous
people
Use synonyms
 opine that it is individuals' responsibility to tackle
this
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 problem rather than states and big companies. I mostly disagree with
this
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 statement for a number of plausible reasons. On the one hand, one person's conscious steps towards the protection of the environment can encourage other
people
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, and their combined efforts can make a huge difference in the short term.
For instance
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,
people
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 can clean up after themselves whenever they go on a picnic, they can throw litter in a trash bin
instead
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 of the soil, and they can
use
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 water and electricity efficiently.
Besides
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, they can give up their private vehicles and
use
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 public transport. They can contribute to a better world by choosing to be mindful of the climate and act
accordingly
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.
On the other hand
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, despite the abovementioned reasons,
people
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's actions are not enough for a more sustainable world. They need the stimulation of governments and large corporations. To put it simply, not all
people
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 will be aware of the problems and try to fix them. Sometimes they need to be forced to do their best. I think the states can come in handy in
this
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 regard as they can pass various laws
such
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 as penalizing
people
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 who pollute streets
,
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apply
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 and making companies pay taxes for the amount of carbon dioxide they release to the atmosphere.
Moreover
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, countries can incentivize
people
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 to
use
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 public transport by lowering fees and expanding routes of public vehicles.
Additionally
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, the authorities may invest in renewable energy sources
such
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 as the sun, wind, and water. When it comes to corporations, they can
also
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use
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 manufacturing methods that are not harmful to the environment. They can
use
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 recycled products in production and encourage their customers to purchase them. In conclusion,
although
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 individual acts are crucial for solving change in climate, because of the power in their hands governments and corporations are superior in
this
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 field.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but could benefit from a more concise thesis statement to clearly outline your perspective.
coherence cohesion
While there is a logical flow to your arguments, some transitional phrases could be more varied to enhance the natural flow between points.
task achievement
Try to provide a few more specific, real-world examples to back up your points about government and corporate responsibilities.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-defined structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You successfully present a balanced view, acknowledging the role of individuals while emphasizing the importance of governments and corporations.
task achievement
Your arguments are generally well-supported and comprehensive, showing a good understanding of the topic.
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