IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

91.In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the ocuntry side is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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It is argued that in many nations, an increasing
number
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 of individuals are moving from rural areas to
cities
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.
This
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 essay will argue that
this
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 is a completely negative development because
this
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 will cause an increase in the
number
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 of unemployed
people
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 and
also
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 it will reduce
air
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 quality because of the increasing
number
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 of transports.
This
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 development causes overpopulation in
cities
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. It will be more difficult to find a job because there is an increase in the
number
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 of
people
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 that are looking for work in the city centre. Since there is a limited
number
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 of companies and work vacancies in the region, there are more
people
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 unemployed and suffering from hunger and poverty.
For example
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, in the
last
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 years, when Chinese
people
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 decided to leave the countryside, they expected to have a better life in town, but when they got there, they couldn't find a job. Transporting
people
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 and products causes worse
air
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 quality. Normally, factories and big companies are situated in the countryside or far away from the city centre, but, if
people
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 decide to move to
cities
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, they have to travel longer distances to get to their job, and
this
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, increases
air
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 pollution.
This
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 is because vehicles emit carbon dioxide and use fuel, which both cause contamination and decrease the quality of the
air
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.
For instance
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, because of the large
number
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 of vehicles that are on the roads every day in Pekin, it is very difficult to see a clear blue sky, since the
air
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 is completely contaminated. In conclusion, the decrease in population in the countryside and the growth in the
number
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 of
people
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 in
cities
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 is a negative development because more
people
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 are unemployed and it increases
air
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 pollution.

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task response
Ensure that the essay directly addresses all parts of the task. The essay should include both sides of the argument if prompted by the question & provide a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear introduction and conclusion that bookends the main content of your essay. Each main idea should be discussed in its own paragraph, and these should follow each other in a logical order.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with clear, relevant examples or explanations. It's important not only to state but also to demonstrate how your points support your argument or stance on the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-urban migration
  • employment opportunities
  • economic disparity
  • metropolitan allure
  • infrastructure development
  • social amenities
  • cultural melting pot
  • agricultural productivity
  • urban sprawl
  • overpopulation
  • gentrification
  • community fabric
  • traditions
  • sustainable development
  • remote working
  • ecological footprint
  • government intervention
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