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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #business #company #organization #outweigh
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These days, the popularity of being an entrepreneur surpasses the prestige of working for another institution. Personally, I believe that the merits of owning a business outweigh its setbacks.
Although
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 establishing an enterprise seems to be more vulnerable in times of crisis, its freedom and social impact will serve as a strong reason why people should be encouraged to be businessmen. To commence with, it is undeniable that shop owners are at risk during hard times. One clear example is the loss which most of the trade owners had to endure during the COVID-19 outbreak, with some enterprises even going bankrupt. When a profit-oriented company suffers from financial loss or even being closed permanently, the main source of income for its founders will be lost.
Thus
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, having to bear the risk of losing ownership of his/her field is one of the main disadvantages of being an entrepreneur.
On the other hand
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, running his/her own corporation will give an individual the freedom to decide on working time and job descriptions.
For instance
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, a lot of small companies are owned by women because they need to fulfil their responsibilities as mothers and business owners, necessitating the flexibility to manage the time they need to spend at work. Unlike a formal job which requires physical attendance from nine to five every day, running their own field is beneficial for people who need to do other things simultaneously.
Therefore
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, the flexibility in earning profit by selling own products or services has proven to be the most attractive feature of entrepreneurship.
To conclude
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, it is believed that a lot of people choose to start their own money-generating activities rather than serving an already established enterprise. I support
this
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 trend because of its advantages, one of which is the independence obtained from running own employment, which outweighs the drawbacks
such
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 as high vulnerability during a crisis.
Submitted by dandelionandburdock on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical progression throughout the essay by developing points more thoroughly.
task achievement
While the response answers the prompt, deepen the analysis of advantages and disadvantages for a more nuanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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