IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People work because they need money to live. What are some other reasons that people work? Discuss one or more of these reasons. Use specific examples and details to support your answer.

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In
life
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,
people
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work
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 because they need
money
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 to live. It's very important we need
money
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 to survive and there are many
people
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 who say having lots of
money
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 is their dream. So,
besides
Linking Words
money
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, why do we need to
work
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? When we come to
this
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 world, we don'
t
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 have any skills to face everything around us. everything is new, and there are too many things we don'
t
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 know. That's why we need to
work
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 and expose ourselves to everything. The instructor cultivates more knowledge for himself.
For example
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, the job of a teacher is to be a patient person, a guide who guides us on the right path and teaches us knowledge and
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
. Teachers only want us to help the country when we are born. Building and developing cultural traditions to bring hope and faith to the new generation.
For instance
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, on the internet, there are soft skills instructors like Facebooker Nguyen Huu Tri who often change the lifestyle of young
people
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 who think negatively. Having a clear direction and good emotional management, providing methods and solving problems in
life
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 to help young
people
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 at difficult ages with
life
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 problems.
Last
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 but not least, do some
work
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 for your joy and passion, so doing
work
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 you love is quite satisfying. If you don'
t
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work
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, you will become tired and have no spirit. If you don'
t
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 do anything, your mind will easily lose memory. When you don'
t
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work
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, you'll feel bored, which affects your mental health In conclusion,
although
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people
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 need
money
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 to
work
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, apart from
money
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, we receive many things at
work
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 that make us feel more comfortable.
As a result
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, we tend to think more openly without too much pressure about
money
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. When we are at ease, we humans are free to be creative, thereby bringing many achievements to
life
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 and enhancing our self-worth.

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coherence cohesion
You should focus on creating a more logical structure by ensuring a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, but you might need to refine them to more clearly indicate the position taken and the overview of main points.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed and specific examples. Avoid generic statements that don't offer concrete or illustrative details.
task achievement
Ensure a complete response to the task by fully addressing the prompt and discussing the reasons people work beyond monetary compensation.
task achievement
Try to develop clear and comprehensive ideas. Refrain from deviating into loosely related content that might obscure the main argument.
task achievement
Provide relevant and specific examples to effectively support your points. The examples should clearly relate to the reasons people work other than for money.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Intrinsic Motivation
  • Social Connections
  • Professional Growth
  • Societal Contribution
  • Work-Life Balance
  • Job Satisfaction
  • Networking Opportunities
  • Community Impact
  • Skill Enhancement
  • Routine and Stability
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