IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the Olympic Games is an exciting event and can bring nations together. Others, however, think that it is a waste of money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #olympic #games #event #nations #waste #money
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In
this
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 day and age, it is often said that the
Olympic
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games
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 make a contribution to
connect
Change the verb form
connecting
show examples
 other
countries
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 together.
However
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, some people argue that the
money
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 should be spent on other things
instead
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 of organizing the
Olympic
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games
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.
This
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 writer will discuss both views and give my opinion. It is vital
understand
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to understand
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 that the
Olympic
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games
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 attract many foreigners to participate in watching.
In other words
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, they have a lot of chances to meet and communicate with local people or organize the beauty of the nation organize the
Olympic
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games
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.
As a result
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, when citizens have a good view
about
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of
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 a country, the citizen’s nation will
also
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 be connected.
For instance
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, when the
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Olympic
Correct your spelling
Olympics
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 game 2020 occurred in Japan, many visitors or fans from abroad
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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had a respected view
about
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of
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 Japan and it
brings
Wrong verb form
brought
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 sustainable connection between Japan and other
countries
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 nowadays.
However
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, the
Olympics
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 do not make any noticeable contribution to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, especially
the
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to the
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 poor. To be more specific, the lives of poor people
are
Verb problem
do
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 not
gained
Wrong verb form
gain
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 benefits directly from the
Olympics
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 and are still the same whether the
Olympic
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games
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 appear or not.
Consequently
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, it may be useless if we spend too much
money
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 on organizing these events.
Thus
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,
this
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 is the reason why it is said to be
money
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-wasting. In my opinion, the
Olympics
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also
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 do not affect a lot
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the sensitive issues in the world
such
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 as war,
poverty
Correct word choice
or poverty
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.
Furthermore
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, many
countries
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 utilize the
Olympics
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 as a tool to revenge or tarnish the image of competitors.
Instead
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, that
money
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 can
used
Add a missing verb
be used
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 for
improvement
Add an article
the improvement
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 of
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 poor
countries
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 or
solve
Fix the infinitive
to solve
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 the problems in the world. In conclusion,
this
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 writer thinks the
money
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 to organize the
Olympic
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games
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 should be spent on other purposes
due to
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unnoticeable
Correct article usage
the unnoticeable
show examples
 contribution it brings.
Therefore
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, it should be taken into account by the world’s organization about eliminating or not.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your arguments are clearly separated and that each paragraph addresses a single main idea to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate more on your points with specific and detailed examples to strengthen the effectiveness of your essay.
task achievement
Clarify the connection between your concluding statements and the preceding arguments to provide a more compelling conclusion.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines both sides of the argument, providing a good start for the discussion.
relevant specific examples
You successfully included relevant and specific examples to support your points, making your arguments more persuasive.
logical structure
The essay maintains a logical flow that guides the reader through your arguments, demonstrating a fair level of coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • promoting peace
  • unity
  • sportsmanship
  • global stage
  • mutual respect
  • understanding
  • boosts the economy
  • host city
  • tourism
  • infrastructure development
  • global media exposure
  • financial burden
  • ROI (Return on Investment)
  • debt
  • pressing social issues
  • poverty
  • education
  • healthcare
  • legacy
  • long-term health benefits
  • white elephants
  • expensive stadiums
  • facilities
  • post-Games
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