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Band 4.5

Some people think that students in single-sex schools perform better academically. Others, however, believe that mixed schools provide children with better social skills for adult life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #students #schools #children #skills #adult #life
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While
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 it is often thought that studying in
single-sex
Correct article usage
a single-sex
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school
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provide
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provides
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children
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 with the
chances
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chance
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 to learn academic information, other
people
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 claim that
students
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 tend to be more social when they
study
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 in a different-sex
school
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. In my opinion, I consider that studying in
co-education
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a co-education
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 environment
provide
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provides
show examples
students
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 with more benefits. On the one hand,
according to
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 some, same-sex
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school
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schools
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 tend to let
students
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 perform well in academics because they may be able to relax when
people
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 around them are the same gender.
That is
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 to say,
children
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 who are surrounded by the same sex would not feel the differences from others;
therefore
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, they could have
freedom
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the freedom
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 to show themselves.
For example
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, some
people
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 may worry about the physical gap between
two
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the two
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 genders when they have a PE lesson.
Thus
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, student can enjoy a similar learning environment which push them to do better.
Furthermore
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, it is maintained that
children
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 could pay more attention on
study
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.
This
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 is because they would be attracted easily by different genders which would influence their studies and concentration.
On the other hand
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, some may claim that mixed schools help to enhance the social skills of
students
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, and I agree. One reason is that same-sex schools do not prepare
children
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 for the real world.
In other words
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,
students
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 only have the opportunity to communicate with the same gender which would lead to the problem of feeling shy or
scare
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scared
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 to talk with different genders.
For instance
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, the majority of girls who
study
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 in single-sex schools would only prefer to talk with females as they do not know how to socialize with boys.
As a result
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,
children
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 would improve their abilities to communicate. Another reason why
people
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 have
such
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 a view is that boys and girls think differently. Each gender would have differing motions of thinking;
hence
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, it can help
children
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 enrich their knowledge and broaden their horizons by absorbing various opinions.
To sum up
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,
although
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people
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 may vary in their opinions, I think that
students
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 could expand more knowledge and skills when they
study
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 in a co-education phenomenon. If both parents and
children
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 collectively agreed on a
school
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,
children
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 would have a comfortable environment
and
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apply
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led
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leading
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 them to perform well in their studies.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Task Response
Ensure a clear and balanced argument by addressing both sides of the issue equally.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize the essay more cohesively by using clearer paragraph structures and transitioning between points more smoothly.
Lexical Resource
Enhance the variety of vocabulary used and ensure more precise and appropriate word choices throughout the essay.
Grammatical Range
Work on sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation to achieve a higher level of grammatical accuracy.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • minimize distractions
  • gender-related learning styles
  • tailored learning environment
  • sense of empowerment
  • underrepresented
  • bridge the gender gap
  • emulate real-world environments
  • promoting interactions
  • communicate and collaborate
  • break down gender stereotypes
  • mutual respect
  • inclusivity
  • well-rounded individuals
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