IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor.

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor
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Nowadays, the number of humans trying to
cure
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 themselves by using natural
medicines
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 is increasing from
time
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 to
time
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. In my opinion,
tit
Correct your spelling
it
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 means negative development for the country. First of all, the choices of alternative
medicines
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 make them go back to the
last
Linking Words
 century. It can look at how
people
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 treat themselves for cures for illnesses using
herbs
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. It was because there was little
medicine
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 and available doctor in their place. In
this
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 era, the number of doctors and health facilities like hospitals or clinics spread in villages and big cities. The
medicine
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 has many kinds for different kinds of illnesses. That can be a choice by the doctor.
Moreover
Linking Words
, nowadays, there are
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of doctors
specialists
Correct word choice
and specialists
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 that can
cure
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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illness by their specialist.
Second,
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the
time
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 of
cure
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 the body takes a longer
time
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. The reason is that
herbs
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 have slow reactions in the
cure
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 of illness. It means somebody who needs more care by their sick need more
time
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 despite the bacteria or viruses spreading in the body and becoming sicker.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the development of
medicine
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 has become more patent and can cut off viruses or bacteria more quickly than herbal
medicines
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.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 can
also
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 have positive development because
people
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 have more knowledge to indicate the disadvantages of chemical
medicines
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. They do not want the
medicines
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 to destroy the tissues of their body and cause side effects for a long
time
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. It makes
people
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 search with their knowledge against the bacteria or viruses that spread by using
herbs
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 because there are many research studies that
also
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 give advantages to using
herb
Fix the agreement mistake
herbs
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. In conclusion,
herbs
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 became the worst to
cure
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 illness if
people
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 have heavy sickness.
This
Linking Words
 is because
herbs
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 are not too qualified and take a longer
time
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 than chemical
medicine
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. The benefit of
herbs
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 is not as much as chemical
medicine
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 given by the doctor.
Submitted by sastyoke on

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Task Response
The essay presents some relevant points but lacks sufficient development and support for the ideas presented. The main points are not effectively supported with specific examples and arguments, and the essay lacks a clear line of reasoning. More focus and development on the topic is needed to improve task response and coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat unclear and the ideas are not effectively connected. The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, and the progression of ideas is not smooth. Use of cohesive devices such as linking words and phrases can help improve coherence and cohesion.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a basic level of vocabulary and language use, but lacks variety and sophistication. Using a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions can enhance lexical resource and make the essay more engaging and persuasive.
Grammatical Range
There are noticeable grammatical errors throughout the essay, including errors in tense usage, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. More attention to grammar and sentence construction is needed to improve grammatical range and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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