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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people tend to take temporary jobs (they only work for few months of year), for they have time to do other things. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some folks prefer to
work
Use synonyms
 temporarily, which allows them to save the rest of the time for other purposes. I think the advantages do not outweigh the disadvantages because of the instability of their career and the potential financial risk. The flexibility of the schedule is one of the main reasons that people choose to
work
Use synonyms
 temporarily for a year. because they love to spend hours on other things rather than working full-time.
For example
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, some professional athletes need to focus on the preparation for some international competitions. So they only
work
Use synonyms
 when there are no recent games on their schedule.
Otherwise
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, they would spend all the time on improving their performance in the coming games. Another benefit is the abundant working experience. The employee could learn more skills by working with different employers or positions. Even though regardless some benefits, there are some disadvantages that can not be neglected.
Firstly
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, the inconsistency of working might lead to unfamiliarity with the
work
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 environment or certain techniques.
This
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 could make the employee miss the opportunity for promotion or even get fired.
Moreover
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, it is not suitable for people who need a great
pension
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. Because their working time is too short to contribute to the
pension
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 saving plan.
For instance
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, a worker over 65 years old who has worked temporarily for 20 years in his career. The
pension
Use synonyms
 for him must be too little for his life after retirement. In conclusion, a temporary job is a solution for several years in one's whole career, not for a long-term plan. The drawback for risks of unemployment or
pension
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 savings are predictable in the long term , and they should not be ignored when an employee makes
such
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 an important decision.

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grammar
Fix big grammar errors and use clear, short sentences.
cohesion
Make one main idea in each section and use easy links to move from one idea to the next.
content
Add more real facts or numbers to back up points.
vocabulary
content
The writer has a clear view and uses examples.
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion.
content
Some ideas are easy to follow and on topic.
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