IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Trillions of dollars is spent on space exploration globally! Some people opine that it should be stopped and the money should be spent for the well-being of people. To what extent do you agree? (Do you agree or disagree?)

Space has always been a mystery since time immemorial. There has been tremendous advancement in all spheres of life in the
world
Use synonyms
 owing to the technological boom in general,
spatial
Correct word choice
and spatial
show examples
 exploration
in particular
Linking Words
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 are not in favour of exploring the cosmos as it needs a great deal of
money
Use synonyms
 having a view of expending the amount for the prosperity of the
world
Use synonyms
 in all respects. I partially agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the statement 
due to
Linking Words
 several reasons. Exploring the cosmos has many advantages. The satellites orbiting the earth immensely help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mankind in one way or the other. First and foremost, most natural calamities can now precisely be predicted
thus
Linking Words
 evacuating
people
Use synonyms
 from the danger zone.
For example
Linking Words
, a devastating storm called 'Okhi' hit
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
show examples
 coast a couple of years ago.  Fortunately, it was accurately foreseen, and a massive disaster could be avoided. Thanks to the advanced technology!
Secondly
Linking Words
, there has been considerable advancement in communication because of spatial experiments
coupled with
Linking Words
 sophisticated technology. Today,
people
Use synonyms
 are able to keep in touch with their dear ones using communication gadgets with the help of the Internet.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, cartography-the practice of making maps-has been made much easier and more accurate.
As a result
Linking Words
, international boundaries are clearly demarcated apart from spotting natural resources!
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it goes without saying that astronomical experiments have always had several drawbacks too.
Initially
Linking Words
, a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 is spent on every mission but if they fail,  the
money
Use synonyms
 is lost.
Next,
Linking Words
the international space station, a global initiative costs the
world
Use synonyms
 a fortune. Trillions of amount
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 pumped to keep it intact.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is quite unfortunate that some astronauts have lost their lives
due to
Linking Words
 several mishaps! To exemplify, 'Kalpana Chaula' an Indian astronaut was killed in a disaster
along with
Linking Words
 her co-astronauts.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, even poor nations try to compete with their rich counterparts in
this
Linking Words
 arena. A huge pile of electronic waste is being piled up globally  apart from the associated radiation.
Linking Words
Last
Add a comma
Last,
show examples
 of all, it is really exorbitant(very expensive) to make a full-fledged astronaut apparently! All these factors could put a country's economy at risk. By and large, astronomical experiments have always been indispensable for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mankind.
However
Linking Words
, the
money
Use synonyms
 pumped into
this
Linking Words
 sphere must be used judiciously as there are millions of
people
Use synonyms
 struggling to make
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ends meet all over the
world
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are well-developed to provide a clear framework for the essay.
lexical resource
Utilize a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource score. Consider using more varied synonyms and academic vocabulary.
grammatical range
Work on varying sentence structure and using more complex sentence forms to improve grammatical range.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: