IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People living in the 21st century have a better life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #st #century #life #centuries
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It is often said that the quality of living in the 21st century is higher than for those living in the earlier centuries. I agree with
this
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 idea and I’m going to explain some reasons below.
Firstly
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, one of the main reasons is the development of technology will help us to do anything. To be more specific, if we are far from each other we can communicate by using the internet and social apps. In the past, technology was not developed so we met each other
as well as
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 used the phone.
However
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, today we can drive a car using not only fossil fuels but
also
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 electricity.
For example
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, the company called Tesla invented a semi-automatic driven car using electricity which is good for our environment and people.
Moreover
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, with the advancement of technology, we have gained access to better treatments.
Secondly
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, another conspicuous reason is that many people can get high-quality education
thus
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 their careers are more upgraded.
Furthermore
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, there is a device called VR which shows overseas even if we are just in a house.
Additionally
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, there are many complicated languages that we can not understand but the advanced devices will lend us a helping hand to automatically translate into different languages.
Finally
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, we can get assistance from highly intelligent AI so that our process getting more easily. In conclusion, I completely agree that the 21st century is higher than for those living in earlier centuries.
Otherwise
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, many elderly are not comfortable using IT devices and smartphones. So we should teach them about those things and that will make our society harmonious.
Submitted by phthaoo on

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task response
The essay addresses the topic but lacks depth and clear comprehensive ideas. It needs to delve deeper into the reasons and provide more specific examples and relevant details.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the logical flow within the paragraphs is not well-connected. The essay lacks coherence in organizing the ideas effectively, resulting in a disjointed structure.
lexical resource
The essay contains some advanced vocabulary and expressions. However, there are instances of inappropriately used words and awkward expressions. It is important to use a wider range of vocabulary more effectively and accurately.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, and there are numerous errors in sentence structure, tense usage, and word form. It is essential to work on using a variety of grammatical structures more accurately.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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