You recently bought a piece of sports equipment from an online store. When you first used the piece of sports equipment, you found a problem with it. Write a letter to the manager of the online store. In your letter • describe the problem with the piece of sports equipment • say what happened because of the problem •explain what you would like the company to do.

#piece #sports #equipment #store #first #manager #•explain #company

Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with the quality of 'Nike 230' badminton shoes which I purchased from your website nike.com on 2nd August 2024. My order number is 19923 as per the invoice. I am disappointed to discover that the shoes are not as expected to be. The problem with the product was that they were slippery on the marble floor,

however

while

perusing the product specification on the website, it was mentioned that the sole is designed in a way that it would be compatible to be used on any floor.

Due to

these reasons, I almost twisted my ankle

while

I was playing badminton with these shoes on.

Moreover

this

had caused me distress as ever since that incident I have been unable to play without the fear of slipping and getting myself injured. I would appreciate it if you could replace the item if it's a manufacturing flaw.

Otherwise

, as a resolution to

this

problem, I would request you to provide me with a refund. Thank you for taking

this

matter into consideration. Yours faithfully, Kinnari Bodade

Submitted by nihalshetty384 on Sun Jul 14 2024

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coherence cohesion

Improve paragraph structure for better readability. For instance, separate the identification details and the description of the problem into different paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

Clarify any ambiguities, such as specifying the product description more precisely and detailing the sequence of events.

task achievement

Clear and detailed description of the problem with the sports equipment.

suitable writing tone

Appropriate and polite tone throughout the letter.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

186 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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