IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Walking is known to be beneficial for health but these days the number of people walking has reduced a lot. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to tackle this situation?

#health #people #situation
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Recently, in many countries around the world, it has become an extremely controversial issue that
people
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 have been walking less.
This
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 must be stopped and proper
solutions
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 should be applied.
Therefore
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, for the purpose of
this
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 essay, I shall confine the discussion to some
problems
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 and some possible
solutions
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. Obviously, a great deal of ways to cause
this
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problem
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 would be for
people
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 to use cars rather than walk a few miles. Another way is that
people
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 have been getting lazier
due to
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 the weight gain that comes with consuming fast foods. It is perhaps, the case where the rise of companies like Uber that offer taxi services is considered one of the major causes of the
problem
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. Solving these
problems
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 is not easy.
However
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, the key to reducing these
problems
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 seems to lie in getting a healthier lifestyle. Equally important, going outdoors more may prove to motivate
people
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 to walk more. Perhaps adding a specific time during the day to go walking can be offered to
people
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 to deal with the
problem
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 successfully. A final effective solution to tackle
this
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problem
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 might be
in going
Change preposition
to go
show examples
 to the Gym as it encourages all the
solutions
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 I discussed. In conclusion,
however
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, it is not doubtful that
people
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 not walking
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a great deal of
problems
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. These possible
solutions
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, of course, are clear. So, the answer, I feel, lies somewhere in the middle. To put it in a different way, provided that the government addresses the roots of
this
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problem
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, perhaps the
solutions
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 will come.
Submitted by almansouradel1 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve the coherence and logical progression of your essay, consider making clearer and smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
Task Achievement
Strengthen your main points by providing more specific examples and clear explanation to support your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main point and that all sentences within the paragraph support that point, to enhance clarity and cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay features a well-defined structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which contributes to a clear logical flow.
Task Achievement
You have provided several ideas and potential solutions for the issue of reduced walking, covering a good range of perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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