The chart below indicates the number of people who have heart attacks every year in the US
The bar chart compares the
number
of individuals (in different age
groups) who have anual
Correct your spelling
annual
heart
attacks in the US.
Overall
, the heart
attack yearly rates, for both males and females, are increasing during their ages. However
, the numbers for men are always higher than those for women
.
To begin
, just 3000 women
, aged from 29 to 44, experience these heart
issues per year, accounting for the lowest number
in the chart. On the other hand
, the number
for
males is significantly greater, at 123000, in the same Change preposition
of
age
category. Looking at males
statistics, who are 45-64 years old (424), Change the noun form
male
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
the
similar Correct article usage
a
number
compared to those who are older than 65, at 440.
On the other hand
, only 136000 women
undergo heart
problems at the age
from
45-64, representing the second lowest Change preposition
of
number
in the chart after those who are 29-44 years old. In contrast
, this
number
has gramatically
increased by the Correct your spelling
dramatically
age
of 65 and older, to 374, illustrating the largest number
of heart
attacks among women
.Submitted by innakireeva0101 on
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, age, heart, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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