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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, young people are leaving their homes in the countryside to live in large cities. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
In many countries, increasing numbers of young
people
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 are leaving rural
areas
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 to live in large
cities
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.
Although
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this
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 trend can create certain problems for both rural communities and urban
areas
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, I believe that its advantages outweigh the
disadvantages
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 because young
people
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 gain greater
access
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 to education and employment
as well as
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 essential public
services
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.
Body paragraph 1
The main advantage of young
people
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 moving to large
cities
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 is that they can
access
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 better educational and employment opportunities. Urban
areas
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 usually contain more universities, companies and specialised workplaces, which allows young adults to choose from a wider range of careers.
For example
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, a graduate from a rural area may move to a major city and find professional positions in engineering, information technology or business that are not available locally.
Cities
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also
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 tend to provide easier
access
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 to healthcare, public transport and other essential
services
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.
Consequently
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, migration can improve young
people
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's career prospects and
overall
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 quality of life.
Body paragraph 2
Admittedly,
this
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 trend can create some
disadvantages
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 for both rural communities and
cities
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. When large numbers of young
people
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 leave rural
areas
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, villages may lose workers who could contribute to agriculture, small businesses and local development. At the same time, rapid urban migration can increase pressure on housing, transport and public
services
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.
For instance
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, a city that receives a large number of new residents may experience rising rents and heavier traffic.
Nevertheless
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, these problems can be addressed through regional investment and better urban planning,
whereas
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 the educational and career opportunities gained by young
people
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 can have long-term benefits for their lives.
Therefore
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, the advantages clearly outweigh the
disadvantages
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 rural-to-urban migration can create pressure on villages and
cities
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, I believe its advantages outweigh its
disadvantages
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 because young
people
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 gain greater
access
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 to education, employment and essential
services
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same. To make it even stronger, explain more fully why the good points are more important than the bad points for the country as a whole, not only for young people.
task response
Your examples fit the main ideas. Add one more clear, real-life detail about how money or skills from city workers may help their home areas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: your view, the good points, the bad points, and a short end. Each main part has one clear job.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “For example”, “At the same time”, and “Nevertheless” are used well. Try not to repeat “young people” so often; use “they” or “these people” where clear.
coherence and cohesion
The last part repeats your main view well. You could make the final reason more direct by saying why city plans and help for rural areas can reduce the bad effects.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and clearly say that the good points are stronger.
task response
The ideas about study, work, health care, homes, traffic, and rural work are on topic and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The opening gives a clear plan, and the ending returns to the same main view.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are well ordered, and the examples come after the ideas they support.
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