IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, when popular consumer products sell well, it is not because of societal requirements but because of advertising's influence. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Recently, we have observed an uptick in advertising, whether in train stations or on the
internet
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Internet
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. Some people claim that
advertisements
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 can
result
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 in a surge in popularity for specific
products
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, enticing more people to consume them. In fact, many of the items advertised are superfluous to our lives.
Advertisements
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, in my opinion, do
result
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 in people purchasing numerous unnecessary
products
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 and wasting money. Advertisement campaigns are frequently designed to increase brand awareness.
As a
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result
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, the
products
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’ sales increase. Frequently, artists are involved in these
advertisements
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. Fans of them may wish to demonstrate their support by purchasing
products
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 advertised in
advertisements
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.
For instance
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, numerous fashion houses invite Hollywood artists to appear in their
advertisements
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.
Due to
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 their popularity, fans purchase
products
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 in support of them or wish to emulate their
behaviors
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behaviours
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 in order to gain peer approval.
As a
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result
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, there are more consumers. The power of
advertisements
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 is demonstrated by the increased sales. Meanwhile, these items may not be exactly what they need.
On the other hand
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, some may argue that how money is allocated is a personal choice. We should not place the blame on advertising. Adults are capable of determining what they truly require and managing their financial conditions effectively.
Nevertheless
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, consumers include not only mature adults
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 children and youngsters. They may be underdeveloped in their understanding of financial management at the moment.
Advertisements
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 all around them encourage them to make impulse purchases.
Finally
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, not only is it a waste of money, but
also
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 of materials, as those items are superfluous. It is obvious that advertising can increase consumer consumption of a company’s
products
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while
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also
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 contributing to waste. In conclusion, advertising has resulted in unnecessarily high product sales.
As a
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result
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, the government should regulate advertising and educate teenagers. Hopefully, those measures will avert additional waste caused by
over-spending
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overspending
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is focused on a single main idea and that there is a clear progression from one idea to the next. Use transitional phrases to link ideas throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear overview of the main points and effectively summarizing the key arguments. Maintain this level of clarity and conciseness throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Vary your vocabulary and use more precise and academic language to enhance the lexical resource. Avoid repetition and explore more nuanced expressions to convey your ideas effectively.
grammatical range
Exhibit a wider range of grammatical structures and demonstrate control over complex sentences. Review your use of verb tenses and sentence structures to ensure accuracy and variety.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • societal requirements
  • advertising influence
  • consumer preferences
  • persuasive techniques
  • emotional appeals
  • strategic branding
  • purchasing decisions
  • effective marketing campaigns
  • promotion
  • luxury items
  • sugary snacks
  • fashion trends
  • essential value
  • genuine societal requirements
  • evolving needs
  • eco-friendly products
  • health-related goods
  • blurred line
  • amplify
  • true demand
  • marketing strategies
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