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Band 6

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

#countries #amount #crime
Nowadays, criminal offences are increasing overnight in most of the countries. In
this
 essay, I will describe the main reasons for committing crimes and provide some solutions. There are a number of reasons why violation increases day by day in society. One possible reason is that a lack of police on the street can result in more opportunities for
crime
. These kinds of situations are being sought out by criminals who are concerned for society or an individual.
As a result
,
people
 do not feel comfortable when they are staying at home are going to outside places.
Secondly
, poverty encourages some
people
 to turn to
crime
 in order to pay bills and meet family requirements or responsibilities.
In addition
, unemployment
also
 leads to
crime
due to
 financial pressure that’s why
people
 are very much committed to doing
crime
.
On the other hand
, there are many solutions to overcome these kinds of situations.
Firstly
, to reduce the
crime
 rate, the government should increase social benefits to alleviate poverty. If the government train offenders in prison to develop new skills, it might bring positive feedback in the future.
Secondly
, seeing more police officers on the street might put
people
 off criminal behaviour.
Moreover
, harsher punishment can deter
people
 from
crime
. Only harsher punishment decreased criminal offence significantly.
Therefore
, Offenders are determined to never do
this
 kind of activity. In conclusion, the government should handle these kinds of crimes strictly by imposing hard lines or recruiting many police officers to secure the country and
also
 have to provide job offers or pay money as a gift for doing something else.
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coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are not well developed and lack clarity and coherence.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples and ideas, but the response could be more comprehensive and specific to the task question. The conclusion could summarize the main points better.
grammatical range
There are issues with sentence structure, vocabulary choices, and punctuation. Complex sentences are attempted, but with inaccuracies and errors.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • propensity
  • recidivism
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitative
  • judicial system
  • corruption
  • socioeconomic
  • alienation
  • stigmatization
  • decriminalization
  • enforcement
  • gentrification
  • preemptive measures
  • intervention strategies
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