IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, there are strict regulations on advertising aimed at children. Do you think these regulations are sufficient, or should there be stricter controls in place? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of advertising directed at children, and give your opinion.

#countries #regulations #children #controls #place
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Many countries around the globe have regulations over
advertisements
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 which target
children
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.
While
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 some people believe that these controls are sufficient, others argue that they should be stricter. In
this
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 essay, I shall discuss both sides of the argument and explain my support for the latter view. Advertisement is the only source to know more about the recent development of the
products
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.
for instance
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, there are several educational applications are help students with their core subjects. the pupils are aware of these
products
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 through
advertisements
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.
As a result
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, In the modern world
children
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 will update the information and be able to utilize the recent developments.
Furthermore
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,
regulation
Correct article usage
the regulation
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 of
advertisements
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 is control over the right
for
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to
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 information.
However
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, there are misuse of
this
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 provision is to be considered. The other side of the argument that the advertisement is targeting
children
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 is leading them to
consuming
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consume
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 unwanted materials or services.
Due to
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 the effect of
advertisement
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advertisements
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children
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 are pestering their parents to buy expensive things.
As
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Consequently
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consequently
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, the parents have financial
burden
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burdens
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 and mental stress.To illustrate, the famous kid's fashion brand is using
children
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's influencers for their marketing which results in
children
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 buying that product which is comparatively expensive than similar
products
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.
childrens
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children
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 could not
developed
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develop
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 the ability to
differenciate
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differentiate
 the product variability. In conclusion,
Although
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 the information about the
products
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are
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is
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 received through the
advertisemnt
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advertisement
advertisements
, it is more often
use
Wrong verb form
used
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 to influence
children
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 to buy their
products
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. In my view, the government should control the
advertisements
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 which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 targeting to
children
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.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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logical structure
The essay demonstrates a basic logical structure; however, further development is required. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea with appropriate supporting details.
introduction conclusion present
Introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more clearly defined and impactful. The position should be explicitly stated in the introduction, and a strong final thought is required in the conclusion.
supported main points
Main points are supported to some extent, but stronger and more varied support is necessary. Use specific examples, reasons, and results to back up your arguments.
complete response
The response to the task is somewhat complete, but there is room for improvement. Address all parts of the prompt, and ensure your opinion is clear throughout the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Although some ideas are clear, the overall comprehensiveness could be improved. Try to develop your ideas more fully and express them with greater clarity.
relevant specific examples
Relevant examples are provided, but they need to be more specific and effectively illustrate your points. Aim to use examples that directly reinforce your key arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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