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Band 4.5

In many countries, there are strict regulations on advertising aimed at children. Do you think these regulations are sufficient, or should there be stricter controls in place? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of advertising directed at children, and give your opinion.

#countries #regulations #children #controls #place
Many countries around the globe have regulations over
advertisements
 which target
children
.
While
 some people believe that these controls are sufficient, others argue that they should be stricter. In
this
 essay, I shall discuss both sides of the argument and explain my support for the latter view. Advertisement is the only source to know more about the recent development of the
products
.
for instance
, there are several educational applications are help students with their core subjects. the pupils are aware of these
products
 through
advertisements
.
As a result
, In the modern world
children
 will update the information and be able to utilize the recent developments.
Furthermore
,
regulation
Correct article usage
the regulation
show examples
 of
advertisements
 is control over the right
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 information.
However
, there are misuse of
this
 provision is to be considered. The other side of the argument that the advertisement is targeting
children
 is leading them to
consuming
Change the verb form
consume
show examples
 unwanted materials or services.
Due to
 the effect of
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
children
 are pestering their parents to buy expensive things.
As
Correct word choice
Consequently
show examples
consequently
, the parents have financial
burden
Fix the agreement mistake
burdens
show examples
 and mental stress.To illustrate, the famous kid's fashion brand is using
children
's influencers for their marketing which results in
children
 buying that product which is comparatively expensive than similar
products
.
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 could not
developed
Change the verb form
develop
show examples
 the ability to
differenciate
Correct your spelling
differentiate
 the product variability. In conclusion,
Although
 the information about the
products
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 received through the
advertisemnt
Correct your spelling
advertisement
advertisements
, it is more often
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to influence
children
 to buy their
products
. In my view, the government should control the
advertisements
 which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 targeting to
children
.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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logical structure
The essay demonstrates a basic logical structure; however, further development is required. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea with appropriate supporting details.
introduction conclusion present
Introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more clearly defined and impactful. The position should be explicitly stated in the introduction, and a strong final thought is required in the conclusion.
supported main points
Main points are supported to some extent, but stronger and more varied support is necessary. Use specific examples, reasons, and results to back up your arguments.
complete response
The response to the task is somewhat complete, but there is room for improvement. Address all parts of the prompt, and ensure your opinion is clear throughout the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Although some ideas are clear, the overall comprehensiveness could be improved. Try to develop your ideas more fully and express them with greater clarity.
relevant specific examples
Relevant examples are provided, but they need to be more specific and effectively illustrate your points. Aim to use examples that directly reinforce your key arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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