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Band 6

Nowadays, more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. what problems could this situation cause? what solutions you can suggest?

#people #jobs #situation
In today's competitive world,
age
 discrimination is becoming a major problem in society. Younger employees are more likely to be promoted
while
 older employees are overlooked.
This
 is mainly caused by a lack of adaptive behaviour towards advanced technology and
age
 requirements.
However
, there are a number of solutions
such
 as building teamwork and training programs should be implemented to tackle
this
 issue.
Firstly
, most companies prioritized giving out their job opportunities to youth candidates as technology has a vital role in all parts of the industry.
However
, with the improvement of modern innovations, many old workers have difficulties keeping up with the trend
while
 youngsters are more technophiles in doing their tasks.
Besides
, organizations consider that
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 and health of a senior would negatively influence work performance and productivity.
Consequently
, leading to increases in unemployment for aged people. As a piece of evidence, job applications nowadays often require specific
age
 groups. There are two effective solutions to
this
 competition in workplaces. Authorities should provide a balanced work culture that involves
contributions
Correct article usage
the contributions
show examples
 of all employees, regardless of their
age
.
Furthermore
, by implementing a mentorship program that includes the seniors and juniors to exchange ideas and collaborate both
knowledges
Fix the agreement mistake
knowledge
show examples
 as a team.
Also
, the Government could offer continuous learning and professional development opportunities to ensure people stay up to date with the latest industry trends.
For example
, during internships, people will be trained to be familiar with their facilities for a particular period.
To sum up
, forming a team of a multi-generational workforce and training activities is the key to solving
age
 discrimination.
Submitted by dharyuschen12 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay reflects a general response to the task with adequately supported main ideas, yet some points lacked specificity and clear elaboration to strengthen the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay exhibits an acceptable level of logical structure, with clear paragraphs and a presence of an intro and conclusion. However, there's room for improvement in the cohesion between ideas and the effectiveness of transitions.
Task Achievement
Make sure to provide more concrete and varied examples to back up claims, which would enrich the response and demonstrate an understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Intergenerational competition
  • Age discrimination
  • Technological adeptness
  • Job stress
  • Job insecurity
  • Knowledge gap
  • Institutional knowledge
  • Mentorship programs
  • Collaborative culture
  • Continuous learning
  • Professional development
  • Industry trends
  • Tax credits
  • Subsidies
  • Balanced work culture
  • Fair hiring practices
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