There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important that the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Music
is universally acknowledged as essential in shaping our mental and emotional well-being. There is a wide range of explanations for the necessity of music
. Compared with foreign music
, the traditional music
of a country is more invaluable.
Research from the University of Helsinki demonstrates that listening to music
daily can significantly reduce stress levels, underscoring its role as a vital tool for mental health. Undoubtedly, music
is a necessity for human lives. Primarily, music
is a powerful means of relaxation and rejuvenation for individuals overwhelmed by the day's demands. Students and officers nowadays have to suffer from an enormous amount of stress from their studies and work. Music
allows them to refresh their moods and to be full of beans. Secondly
, music
is highly appreciated for its representation of the culture and customs of a country. For instance
, Vietnamese folk songs vividly convey how industrious Vietnamese are to international visitors.
The value of traditional music
outweighs that of international music
, which is widely listened to by many young people, especially teenagers worldwide. While
international music
often captivates with its vibrant and engaging melodies, it frequently lacks the profound cultural messages of traditional music
. Meanwhile, traditional music
passes historical and traditional values onto fellow generations, reminding them of patriotism and national pride. Moreover
, international music
has recently been used for commercial purposes to gain a reputation for entertainment companies or celebrities, but it has no value at all in the long run.
In conclusion, while
music
undeniably enriches our lives, traditional music
most profoundly preserves and transmits our cultural heritage, meriting greater appreciation over its international counterpart.Submitted by aamenis on
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task achievement
To further enhance your essay, I recommend incorporating more specific examples to support your arguments. While you mention research from the University of Helsinki and Vietnamese folk songs, delving deeper into these examples or adding more can provide stronger evidence for your claims.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking devices to fluidly connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This will strengthen the logical flow of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your reasoning.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
