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Band 6

There are many people who go to live in different countries. To what extent should people be allowed to move freely between countries and live where they choose? What are the benefits and drawbacks of this?

#people #countries #move
There is a statement that several
people
 want to reside in various
countries
. In
this
 essay, I will examine how long
people
 are permitted to go to different
countries
 they want.
Besides
 that, I
also
 explain both the advantages and disadvantages of it.
To begin
 with, I think that the freedom of living in many
countries
 should not be limited as the
people
 follow the rules in each country. It means that the
people
 who are going to visit some
countries
 have to follow the norm or culture on them.
Thus
, the native society would not be
felt
Verb problem
apply
show examples
disturbed by newcomers of
people
. Regarding the initial statement, there are benefits and drawbacks related to it. For the benefit, the
people
 will get an opportunity to explore much knowledge and get a lot of experiences,
such
 as new cultures or friends, in order to develop opportunities for
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 career.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 can have more opportunities to meet new
people
 in order to expand their own business that they have not got in the other cities.
In contrast
, of course, moving freely between
countries
 will
get
Verb problem
have
show examples
 drawbacks
such
 as high living costs. In my perspective, if we do not have strong finances, we will encounter another problem with the conditions,
such
 as uncertainty of living and accommodation when living in many
countries
. In conclusion, living in several
countries
 will open
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opportunities to develop
people
's living,
such
 as career and business, as far as they have financial readiness for it. If we are not ready, it is like a gambling game
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
's lives,
people
 can be more successful or even get worse.
Submitted by dika2024 on

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task achievement
To further improve, ensure your essay's main ideas are expanded with a variety of examples and evidence. While you provided an example to illustrate the benefits, incorporating more detailed examples or statistics could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will improve the coherence of your essay.
introduction
Your introduction clearly states the topic and outlines the points that will be discussed, effectively setting the stage for your essay.
task achievement
You successfully addressed both sides of the argument, discussing the benefits and drawbacks of people moving freely between countries, which meets the task requirements well.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and your stance, reinforcing your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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