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Band 7

In recent years, online education is becoming more and more popular. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this phenomenon? Use specific details and examples to explain your opinion.

#years #education #phenomenon
Due to
 the COVID-19 outbreak in 2019, studying online become preferable to conventional one. In fact,
it is clear that
this
 shift could bring benefits to
people
 who have limited access to formal learning.
Although
 the supremacy of
this
 transformation is undeniable,
this
 essay argues that the demerits
also
 have to be considered.
To begin
 with, the foremost advantage is flexibility. Encouragement by massive restrictions in many sectors including school activities during the pandemic has led
people
 to adapt by studying through online platforms anytime and anywhere.
In addition
, the situation
also
 gives every person the same opportunity to get a proper
education
.
For instance
,
according to
 our statistics bureau's data, the number of Indonesian
people
 who get access to formal
education
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
jumped by 20% from 2019 to 2021.
On the other hand
,
this
 phenomenon
also
 brings demerits , especially for our social relationships which become less frequent than before.
Furthermore
, some of us tend to become awkward when meeting others in person
due to
 the lack of exposure to physical engagement. To illustrate, there is a significant difference when we communicate through online chatting which don't need to maintain intonation and gesture of our body.
However
, in direct conversation, those aspects play an integral role in conveying our message.
To conclude
, despite the drawbacks brought by the popularity of online schooling that leads
people
 to have a hard time when talking in person, I believe that the flexibility of virtual
education
 still becomes the winning solution to broaden our
education
 services.
Submitted by dowjones on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a logical structure with an identifiable introduction and conclusion. Main points are supported but could be developed further with richer detail and a more comprehensive examination of each point.
Task Achievement
The response generally addresses the task with relevant points but would benefit from more specific examples and details to fully satisfy the prompt. The advantages and disadvantages mentioned require richer elaboration.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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