IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree.

#millions #dollars #space #research #year #people #money #standards #earth
Some people believe that humans would invest millions of dollars in the solar systems,
instead
 of paying for standards of life on land. It is the opinion of
this
 writer that all of us ought to spend on standards of living on land to improve the ecosystem where we have been living and support more money for households in which are difficult conditions. it is vital to understand that prioritising spending huge payments on improving the environment on the land.
Due to
 the fact that the ecosystem is becoming worse day by day thanks to human activities and unawareness. There is a population explosion annually, manufacturing and consuming goods are rapidly rising ,
Correct word choice
and those
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those step-by-step destroy atmosphere
Change the determiner
that step-by-step destroy atmosphere
those step-by-step destroy atmospheres
show examples
.
For instance
, a wider range of factories emit a huge amount of toxic exhaust
such
 as CO2, and SO2. These cause acid rain which worsens our architecture
as well as
 habitat and the ozone
also
 becomes worse .
As a consequence
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health problems are increasing because atmospheric quality is so low. From
this
 writer's experience, space research even
contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
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on pollute
Change preposition
to polluting
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 the Earth by
exhaust
Add an article
the exhaust
show examples
.
That is
 affecting people's life
such
 as
greenhouse
Correct article usage
the greenhouse
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 effect, global warming,
porverty
Correct your spelling
poverty
 and diseases.
Moreover
, if the exploration is
sucessful
Correct your spelling
successful
, the poor can not afford the cost to live on it.
In
Change preposition
For
show examples
 example, we
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 experiencing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming and
greenhouse
Correct article usage
the greenhouse
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 effect,
that is
due to
emission
Add an article
the emission
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 of crafts used to study
universe
Add an article
the universe
show examples
.
Hence
, the writer is swayed by minimising crafts, as the latter rarely requires
such
 help. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I tend to believe that the authority should invest in sectors that will return to citizens,
such
 as
educational
Replace the word
education
show examples
, health,
transportation
Correct word choice
and transportation
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear paragraph structure with distinct introductions and conclusions.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating more logical connections and clearer transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points thoroughly, providing in-depth explanations and a wider range of supporting examples.
task achievement
Carefully address all parts of the task, taking the time to fully answer the question while providing an argument with a clear position throughout. Include a conclusion that reflects the summary of your points and your stated position.
task achievement
Provide clear, comprehensively developed ideas to answer the question in a detailed manner.
task achievement
Use specific examples to enrich your essay and support your ideas. Ensure relevance to the main argument of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • space exploration
  • scientific discoveries
  • cutting-edge technology
  • pioneering research
  • socio-economic development
  • improved healthcare
  • education
  • poverty alleviation
  • infrastructure
  • balanced approach
  • cost-effective
  • prioritize
  • allocate
  • resources
  • budget
  • investment
  • sustainable development
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