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Band 7

Parents often give children everything they ask for and do what they like. Is it good for children? What are the consequences when they grow up?

#parents #children #consequences
Indulging
children
 has become a common parenting problem in many modern families. From a short-term perspective,
this
 practice may slow down the process of
children
 developing essential life
skills
. From a long-term standpoint,
this
 may cause a sense of overdependence among
children
. In the short term, it is possible that over-indulgence causes some delay to the process in which
children
 learn important life
skills
.
This
 can be seen in a variety of age groups, ranging from toddlers to teenagers. In Vietnam,
for example
, many over-caring
parents
 spoon-feed their
children
 until they are five or six, the developmental stage in which they should have already been able to eat independently. It is a common practice that
parents
 assist their preadolescent
children
 in taking a bath or a shower. These
children
,
as a result
, may fail to acquire basic personal hygiene
skills
 at the right time. In the long run, the consequences are even direr as over-indulged
children
 grow up. If
parents
 satisfy all the needs of their
children
 unconditionally, they may inadvertently make the
children
 become over-reliant on them. When these
children
 enter adulthood, the inability to live independently can cause some difficulties for them to maintain their
overall
 well-being,
such
 as not knowing what to do when they catch a fever. It is
also
 a problem that over-indulgent
parents
 are often lenient and do not require
children
 to face the consequences of their misbehaviour.
This
 deprives
children
 of the opportunities to learn from mistakes, which may cause their problem-solving
skills
 to be severely lacking in the future. From the issues outlined above, one can conclude that overindulgence may produce a number of unfavourable effects on
children
, including the delay in gaining crucial life
skills
such
 as self-feeding and the long-term consequence of lacking the ability to cope with problems as adults in the future. It is recommended that no
parents
 should overindulge their offspring.
Submitted by tranbaongoc231007 on

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supported main points
Ensure that all main points are fully developed and supported with more specific examples or data to strengthen the argument.
introduction conclusion present
A strong introduction and conclusion are present, but consider refining them to more explicitly address the essay prompt.
complete response
While the essay addresses the task, aim to explore a broader range of ideas and delve deeper into the consequences mentioned, presenting more nuanced arguments.
logical structure
You have organized the essay well with a clear logical structure, but work on smoother transitions and more varied cohesive devices to enhance the flow between ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • indulgence
  • overindulgence
  • leniency
  • emotional resilience
  • rejection
  • entitlement
  • realistic expectations
  • self-regulated behavior
  • egocentric
  • financial management
  • professional relationships
  • collaboratively
  • criticism
  • appreciation
  • value
  • effort
What to do next:
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