IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter, • give details of your study plans • explain why you want to get a part-time job • suggest how your friend could help you find a job

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Dear Prabh, How are you? I hope your work life is going amazing, as you are doing your dream job. I want to share some good news with you. I am coming to Canada, yes it is true man! unbelievable right
.
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 I got an admission to Practical Nursing at Algonquin College in Ottawa, near you.
Initially
Linking Words
, I Require some help regarding finding a part-time job
along with
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 my studies. I remember you mentioned before, that you have been working as a security guard for a long time now. If you can refer me to your company would help me a lot. I am determined to find part-time work to earn some money and later, can invest in my fees. My parents helped with the tuition fees for the first year and I do not want to burden them again. I need your assistance to find a work which does not disturb my studies and
also
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 pays a good amount. You have been in
this
Linking Words
 country for a long time now. So, you know various jobs and can help to find. I should try everywhere so that I would have numerous options. I hope you help me and provide your assistance Yours lovingly, Harshit

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organization
The letter is well-organized, but you may want to ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea more clearly. For instance, the paragraph about working as a security guard could be separated into why you need a part-time job and how your friend can help you find one.
grammar
Consider making minor corrections to perfect the grammar, such as changing 'Require' to 'require' or 'find a work' to 'find work.'
development
Although the letter covers the required points, expanding on each point slightly could provide a more thorough response.
task completion
You successfully addressed the purpose of your letter, which is to seek help from your friend in finding a part-time job.
tone
The writing tone is friendly and appropriate for a letter to a friend.
organization
The letter has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for different aspects of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Educational aspirations
  • Work experience
  • Financial independence
  • Resume (or CV)
  • Local job market
  • International student
  • Legal requirements
  • Student work permit
  • Employment trends
  • Time management
  • Networking
  • A part-time position
  • Balance studies and work
  • Job hunting strategies
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