It is important for people to take risks, in both their professional lives and personal lives. Do the advantages of taking these risks outweigh the disadvantages?

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One
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of the most challenging issues in our
lives
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is dealing with the overwhelming concerns that we have about improving all aspects of our private
lives
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and careers. In order to overcome these feelings,
one
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should be capable of taking
risks
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once in a
while
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. But,
one
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question that arises here is whether it is beneficial to take
risks
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or not. In
this
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essay, I am going to explore the merits and demerits of taking
risks
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and
also
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, elaborate on my personal viewpoint. People who are willing to take
risks
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both in their personal
lives
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and professions, strongly believe in the constructive effects of
this
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attitude.
One
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of the most outstanding advantages of
such
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behaviours is that if
one
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takes a calculated risk, there are high chances of sudden, enormous improvements in their
lives
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.
For instance
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, most people who buy shares in the stock
market
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are taking major
risks
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, but if they have observed the progress of the
market
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, it is highly possible that they end up gaining spectacular profits. On top of that, risk-takers are often experiencing more exciting
lives
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than others. The more
risks
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they take, the more passionate they become towards living an adventurous, meaningful life which is essential in living. As an example, athletes who engage in risky, dangerous activities
such
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as rock climbing are usually more productive in other aspects of their
lives
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.
On the other hand
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, some individuals are against
this
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risk-taking manner on the grounds that they assume it has several negative impacts on their
lives
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. They are of the view that it is better to lead a normal, peaceful life than a stressful
one
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due to
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the destructive anxiety that always comes
along with
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taking
risks
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. To exemplify, individuals who sell their properties to buy shares in a stock
market
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might be under a lot of pressure from the instability in the
market
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.
Besides
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that, if people do not weigh the Pros and Cons of their decision when taking a risk, it may lead to a devastating failure.
To sum up
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,
while
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taking
risks
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is essential in our
lives
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, it is crucial to estimate the benefits and drawbacks of
this
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attitude. From my point of view, it is inevitable to make some high-stakes decisions sometimes and we should be able to embrace the uncertainty in order to gradually promote our
lives
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and
also
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, add some colours to it. So, I conclude that surely the benefits of taking
risks
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outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by basri.fateme on

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task achievement
While you have comprehensively addressed the topic, you could strengthen your task response by providing more specific examples or evidence for both the stock market and the rock climbing points. This would make your argument even more convincing and rich in detail.
task achievement
Try to further develop your points regarding the negative impacts of risk-taking. A few more specific examples or detailed explanations would enhance the depth of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a clear logical structure, but it could benefit from smoother transitions between some paragraphs. For instance, ensure that the flow between discussing the positive aspects and the drawbacks is more seamless.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are very clear and well articulated, providing a strong framework for the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have logically structured your arguments and supported your main points well.
task achievement
Your essay provides a thorough discussion on the topic, with a balanced perspective on both advantages and disadvantages of taking risks.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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