IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? You should write at least 250 words.

#celebrities #money #politicians #development
In the present time, it has been widely claimed that famous
people
 receive more income than
politicians
.
This
 essay first discusses the reasons for the circumstance before elaborating on why I consider the situation to be a negative development.
To begin
 with the reasons, famous
people
 are able to receive earnings in several approaches.
For instance
, they could represent companies as a representative of advertisements, or they could be an actor in movie production simultaneously. In comparison, with the
people
 who
work
 for the
government
, they
work
 full-time jobs.
Therefore
, during working hours, they would not have enough time to
work
 for another employer.
Moreover
,
politicians
 usually receive fixed salaries per month from the
government
,
whereas
 celebrities are able to earn income from commercial companies that could provide higher rates based on the fame of each celebrity.
However
, I personally believe that the situation in which
politicians
 receive lower wages than celebrities is negative.
For instance
, it is impossible to persuade employers with high ability to
work
 for society with a small amount of money.
As a consequence
, the country could not progress since the
government
 consists of
people
 with average knowledge.
Furthermore
, it is not only impossible to attract capable employees to
work
 for the
government
 but
also
 to cause recent
politicians
 to resign.
For example
, their salaries could not cover more expensive goods and expenses
due to
 inflation.
Thus
, it will be essential for them to find new occupations. In conclusion,
although
 it is undeniable that being a famous person can help a person get out of poverty, in my opinion, it is a negative development because
people
 in high specialist fields will not decide to
work
 in political fields and it will increase the rate of resignation of present
politicians
.
Submitted by kanittha.sma on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs have a clear central theme and the progression of ideas should be logical and easy to follow. Use a range of linking words effectively to aid coherence.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, including the reasons for celebrities earning more than politicians and discussing whether this is a positive or negative development. Provide more depth and development of ideas within the essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to convey precise meanings, and ensure that you use less common and topic-specific words appropriately.
grammatical range and accuracy
Use a variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate grammatical range and accuracy. There should be fewer errors related to sentence structure and verb forms.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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