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Band 7

People in the are not fit and active. What are the problems of this issue? What can be done to encourage people to participate in sports activities?

#people #sports #activities
It is universally acknowledged that
people
 nowadays are not fit and active. In my opinion, I believe that the situation stems from the busy city lives in modern societies.
To begin
 with, with the development of technology,
people
 have to work hard and enhance their ability to solve problems to stay competitive in order to prevent themselves from being replaced by machines.
Moreover
, it is not that simple for humankind to be active, after their work,
people
 are so exhausted that they just want to lie on beds to relax,
not to mention
 exercise after a tired day.
Besides
, the attraction of social media
also
 brings about
this
 issue,
people
 would like to scroll through their phones and computers in their spare time rather than maintain their health.
As a result
, individuals are prone to concentrate more on the Internet and their work
instead
 of spending time engaging in sports activities or making any effort to stay fit. To encourage
people
 to participate in sports activities, some benefits can be introduced to individuals. First of all, governments or enterprises can publicize that only by doing physical activities can workers improve their strength and mental health, increase their efficiency of working, and achieve better performance in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
.
Subsequently
, those administrations can hold some sports competitions and provide fascinating prizes to attract citizens to join,
thus
 accomplishing the aim of pushing humankind to pursue a healthier life. In conclusion, it is essential for
people
 to live in a work-life balance way. To deal with the rising ignorance of the importance of exercising, some methods should be taken into account. By doing so,
people
 can become fitter and more active than ever.
Submitted by n6160978224716 on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points, such as mentioning specific sports that could be encouraged or particular policies governments could implement.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear, single focus to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good framework for your argument.
task achievement
Your main ideas are generally clear and well-articulated.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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