IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Today’s school should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today.to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

I completely agree that
schools
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 should teach
students
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 about financial survival in today's
world
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. The
world
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 has changed immensely, and the knowledge and
skills
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 required to navigate the current financial landscape are extremely different from what they were in the past.
Firstly
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, financial literacy is crucial for personal well-being. Without a solid understanding of financial matters, individuals are at risk of falling into debt, making poor investment
decisions
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, and becoming victims of financial scams. By educating
students
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 about budgeting, saving, investing, and understanding financial products
such
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 as loans and credit cards,
schools
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 can empower them to make informed and responsible financial choices.
Furthermore
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, the nature of work and employment has evolved. The gig economy, remote work, and freelancing are becoming increasingly prevalent.
Students
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 need to understand how to manage irregular income streams, navigate self-employment taxes, and plan for retirement without traditional employee benefits. These are important
skills
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 for a growing number of people in today's workforce, and
schools
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 should equip
students
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 to thrive in
this
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 environment.
Moreover
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, the burden of student loan debt is a significant concern for many young people. Teaching
students
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 about the implications of student loans, exploring alternative funding options for higher education, and emphasizing the long-term impact of borrowing for education can help
students
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 make more informed
decisions
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 about their educational pursuits and financial future.
In addition
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, the rise of technology and digital transactions has changed the way we manage our money.
Students
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 need to understand how to protect themselves from identity theft, how to safely navigate online banking and investments, and how to assess the security of financial apps and platforms. A solid foundation in digital financial literacy is crucial for
students
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 to avoid falling victim to cybercrimes and financial fraud.
Moreover
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, the current economic landscape requires an understanding of global financial markets, trade, and the impact of geopolitical events on personal finances. In an interconnected
world
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, individuals need to comprehend how
decisions
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 made in other countries can affect their own financial stability.
This
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 knowledge is essential for making informed investment choices and understanding the broader context in which financial
decisions
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 are made.
Lastly
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, the concept of financial well-being extends beyond personal finances to encompass a broader understanding of economic inequality, systemic issues, and the role of government and policy in shaping financial opportunities. A curriculum that fosters critical thinking about economic disparities, the impact of policies on economic mobility, and the significance of financial regulation can empower
students
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 to become informed citizens who can contribute to the discourse around economic justice and equity. In conclusion, teaching
students
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 how to survive financially in today's
world
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 is crucial. The educational system should adapt to provide
students
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 with the knowledge and
skills
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 required to navigate the complex financial landscape of the 21st century. By equipping
students
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 with financial literacy, an understanding of the evolving nature of work, digital financial
skills
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, global economic awareness, and a critical perspective on economic issues,
schools
Use synonyms
 can prepare
students
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 to thrive and contribute to a more financially inclusive and equitable society.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic which is developed thoroughly. While the essay demonstrates logical structuring, for a perfect score, every main point should be equally and consistently expanded.
task achievement
The response fully addresses all parts of the task. The writer's position is relevant, well-developed, and supported with pertinent examples. Continue to focus on providing specific examples to reinforce arguments.
lexical resource
While not explicitly graded here, aim to use a wide variety of vocabulary suited to the topic without the overuse of any specific word or phrase. Also, take care to use less common and more precise vocabulary when possible.
grammatical range
Though this essay is not scored for grammatical range and accuracy, maintaining a range of complex sentence structures and ensuring error-free grammar would be crucial for a high grade. Vary your sentence types and lengths for added complexity.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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